A HUNGER THAT NEVER GETS FILLED

No Kittens, no Cougars, no Wolves

John 1:29:” Behold the lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world"

Instead of Kittens, Cougars or Wolves, how about LAMBS??

I read two interesting Substack pieces this week: one on sex for Male-Female Christian couples of Evangelical or Catholic sides and one writing/reporting on a Pornography convention.

Both were reflections of human behavior and starkly different contrasts, of course.

I had no idea there was such a thing as a pornography convention! Did you know there are actually rules about dress at a porn convention? There are.

Reflecting on my own extremely active fornicating and promiscuous youth, with at least fifty sex partners in a decade, I find these opposite stories to be worthy of a simmer or rumination.

I know about sexual hunger! I had it in terrible ways that carved a rip in my soul that is still recovering. I saw that hunger run wild in the beloved gay men friends of my youth, who had large numbers of sex partners. Many of my friends, when I lived near the Castro district in my first year in San Francisco (1979), would be frequently in the Castro, pursuing the "cruising" scene ( I will leave that to your imagination.) I am fairly certain that behavior contributed to their later health difficulties. One gay man roommate contracted hepatitis (from unprotected anal sex ) and I had to go down to the San Francisco Health Dept. to get gamma globulin shots to protect me from hepatitis. Ah, yes, sexual freedom!! (extreme sarcasm…)

I also fell into the ditch of "cybering ", which is having anonymous verbal-mental sex in chat rooms online and even though it did not last a long time, it was just as debasing to my core self. It was almost as real as physical sex, with more brief partners and frequency.

The human mind so cleverly corners itself into unpleasant repercussions, authored by the father of lies, the devil. I humbly hope my writing acts as a stark reminder of the dangers of wandering off God's narrow path.

The natural modesty of women has been plundered and mocked as "repressed". While I never walked around in my youth in extremely revealing clothing, my intent to men was not in question. It was the "gaze", you know? The template of the profligate is now honored and worshiped. I lived it for a decade and I can say with certainty, it was not fun, nor a blessing. The repercussions to my well-being are still being dealt with to some degree, emotionally, although God is merciful!

As per the porn convention, an arena I am not familiar with, my deeply empathic soul felt sorrow for both the attendees and the workers. I have vivid memories of a building I once worked in, in my property and leasing work in San Francisco. This was a building on the northern border of the Tenderloin (O’Farrell and Leavenworth), a mostly impoverished neighborhood adjacent to the shopping areas of Union Square and also the city government buildings. On my walks home, I would see prostitutes strolling the streets. The word I had for them...as I experienced their condition, was “haggard”. They took on the darkness of the men who paid money for them to perform sex acts. Haggard, not empowered. I do not think the participants at the porn convention are prostitutes but I cannot imagine them being treated with humble respect. They would be "vessels" for some attendees, and I would imagine to a large degree, ogled and refused humanity and characterized as the infamous "slut" template.

Considering my own rowdy and sorrowful sexual adventures in youth, all that sex hunting did not answer the hunger of my heart. What it did do was form me into a huge cynic and a broken heart that my sharp tongue cradled in a block of filthy ice.

Some awful stereotypes of sexuality include the “sex kitten”, a youthful provacateur who preens and “shows her stuff”, too young to truly understand the intense power of sex. Then comes the “Cougar”, the mature woman part of this play, the temptress born of decades of sexual experience, who hunts or draws mostly younger men and is an expert in seduction, sometimes leaving broken hearts in her wake. Finally, there is the male hunter, the “wolf”, who hunts for the conquest of females, carving notches on his bedpost and counting the numbers. Likely empty heart and empty wallet…

Dear fellow humans, take it from one who survived the darkness, deeply wounded but freed by the incredible grace and mercy of God... YOU are not a receptacle for the debased desires of other human beings. You are a beloved creation of God, Who made you unique in all the world, gifted with skills, talents and experiences that are only yours. He calls you to repentance and to family and relationship with Him and His Son Jesus Christ. He has provision for you!

God created sexuality for two purposes: to keep the human race going...and to make intimacy and enjoyment and fellowship available for husbands and wives, as they labor together to possibly bring new life through and to raise it together, while traveling life's tough road side by side. I am not naive, I have a somewhat rough-hewn practicality (blunt!) and I can see the many ways we humans pursue what we think will end the pain for awhile. I have certainly tried so many of those ways (sex, drugs, booze) and they did not work at all, they only created more trouble.

How about pursuing the holy innocence of the Lamb and the purity? He has provision for all the needs of your life: body-mind-soul-spirit. He is Eternity, not the temporal of this brief life. His blessings and rewards are so much greater than the temporary pleasures of this world, which fade away and do not offer benefits past the momentary. Please understand, I am NOT scolding (I detest being scolded!). I am simply sharing the awful pits I wandered into and the miracle of God's mercy that persisted in calling me back to God. Knowing God in childhood, broken in youth from grief and being a Prodigal to my Christian faith for many long years, those pits I fell into are not hip, they are not "cool", they are not rewarding. The devil lies and that is all he does. I am just so grateful I found my way OUT of that pit!

Step off the trauma train and into the wondrous household of God and His Son! He definitely pays better wages than sin does.

Wendy Elizabeth Williams December 13, 2024

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