A PRACTICAL-ETHEREAL

A Type-Z navigating in a Type-A world

• Psalm 103:1-6

  "Bless the Lord, oh my soul: and and all that is within me, bless his holy name.  Bless the Lord, oh my soul and forget not all his benefits; who forgives all thine iniquities; who heals all thy diseases; who redeems thy life from destruction; who crowns thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; who satisfies thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's; the Lord executes righteousness for all that are oppressed."

• " Before I bring you Home, I want you to have some victories."   This is a very recent word from God to me, as one who has never felt worthy or confident in this material world, just overwhelmed, living long in survival mode. My “Type-Z” description is my own creation, as I need more sleep than the average hard-driving Type A!

• This is the continuing way that God astonishes me!  In my " flopping on the couch with Papa" nightly  fellowship ( since Dec. 2017)  with a notebook, pen, Bible and outpouring of my soul just as King David did in the book of Psalms, I talk to God about many things, including what repeatedly defeats me. I never know what His reply will be, except for two things: it is not a condemnation nor is it a simplistic answer. Sometimes it is a sentence or two and sometimes it is a couple of pages. He is a most excellent and merciful Papa…and repeats things!

• With the slow and gradual experience in daily fellowship with God,  I find that He meets all of us where we are at any time. He does not scold but He also firmly nudges us that next step in our walk of faith.  This is not " theory", this is real and flawed and visceral life.  Faith is tough but it is also gradually rewarding. 

• I know... we want results NOW. I am impatient and cranky!  I don't mind working but have never had the hard driving type A temperament  or energy of many successful people.  I am quite intelligent but not a physical dynamo. I too easily get so tired  and  overwhelmed by the world and have lived long in " retreat."

• My parents, of the "Greatest Generation ", had much more structure in their lives. There was a work week and then on Saturdays, we cleaned the house. No disputing this foundational fact, I participated in this simple endeavor to keep the house in reasonable order: vacuum, clean bathroom, sweep and mop and rinse kitchen floor, clean the kitchen sink and counters, clean the refrigerator, shelves and periodically defrost (remember the good old days with the ice pick??), dust the furniture, do laundry. No guff allowed, this was done. We pulled together.

•  While I do not live in chaos, I do not have the full structure of my childhood home. There are pros and cons to that. My humble apartment is a retreat for me, not a place to show off or entertain. For the most part, I am a solitary person, except for church gatherings.

• Holy Spirit recently gave me a phrase describing myself:  " Practical-Etherial".  I thought a bit on that description but also knew this was  correct about me.  I stumbled out the door at age 18, practically no clue of how to survive. Mom and one older Brother were dead  (Mom of an overnight stroke when I was 13 and Bro from Vietnam war two years later), I was cast adrift with a Father that provided the basics but not the deep bond of  "Dad" approval of my humanity as one of his three children.

• He and I began to cross swords, especially as the social-political chaos grew in the 1960's and my brother Tom was killed in Vietnam. My Boomer generation was shattered by that war.  I worked a handful of very simple jobs after my Dad “politely" invited me to leave home at age 18 after High School graduation in 1971. This is the  scary stuff we all go through in leaving home the first time,a venture into unknown lands. I lived one year in two hippie houses with roommates.

•   I had enough common sense to know some rock bottom  basics, like roof/rent, food , lights, heat, clothes, transport.  The "etherial" part was tough and ran roughshod against the practical and the capturing demands of employers. This is the eternal rebel's dilemma: the narrow ledge against being contained and constrained by work demands versus the freedom to flee or flop.

•  I was grounded in survival and yet out in outer space, a very odd combo. Drugs and hipster counterculture of the 1960s and early 1970s helped with that outer space as well as survival ethos. I also have the sensitive soul of a poet, not a hard-driving person. I spent a good amount of time in childhood in my fantasy world of Barbie doll, books and music, not heading for "success" or pushed much by Mom and Dad. My Dad, who certainly did not have any expectations for his unwanted third child, a daughter, also did not expect to get left with his sorrowful Wendy when his estranged wife died suddently. 

• He helped me some but not in a heart way. After a year of living on my own, I was allowed to try a venture to college, which I was quickly overwhelmed by. Somehow surviving a little over one whole year at Univ. of  Oregon and Lane Community College in Eugene, Oregon,  I had no center and no overwhelming goals. Somehow making two A's , a few B's and C's and at least one D (math!), I was not  a roaring success. I began to fall behind and after awhile, gave up and began to put my head down in survival mode. I did have some periodic help along the way but I most definitely worked at all kinds of jobs and learned to survive at low-beam, plucky but tired.

•  That has lasted many years. It has been tough but I am also what I call a "microentrepreneur", having pursued a good amount of self-employment short hops while I lived for 31 years in San Francisco. That, for all its challenges in the high cost of living, did allow me to try my hand at small service endeavors like Personal Assistant work for a handful of clients over several years. That also further grounded me in the deep need for freedom, despite a narrow ledge of finances. Best decision I ever made was to cut up all my credit cards  and never use them again!  No debt!

• I also think God takes the experiences of our lives, especially the gnarly ones, and crafts a ministry for each of us who follow Him and His Son. He takes a blend of the gifts He has given us, our natural abilities, our traumas and failures, our hopes and dreams even hidden from ourselves and as the Master Weaver, He begins a tapestry of our life.

•  Of course for ones like me who ran from God and made Him wait 35 years while I wandered away from my childhood Christian faith in the Prodigal path of "NO!" and basic garden-variety rebellion and who did not stumble back until I was in dire distress, I was one of those "special cases".  He actually called me one of His "late bloomers" and late I certainly have been.  I am lucky to even have survived the tempests of my youth and wanderings. God NEVER gave up on me.

• At 72 now, I still wander a bit...but more and more, my rambles remain in the small Garden God has sheltered me to and into a ministry of encouragement and empathy. To "bind up the brokenhearted" is my core and just what I myself need.   Isaiah 61:1 is one of my life verses. In my writing here on Substack and Notes, I always endeavor to offer a bit of inspiration, my own "learned by doing from the school of hard knocks" and encouragement.  

• In your spirit, grab God's hand, flop on the couch with Him, pour out your heart to Him, receive His overwhelming love and counsel and join the fray and fellowship! He and His Son are the best Companions on life's road!

  Wendy Elizabeth Williams November 8, 2024

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