A STITCH IN DESPERATION
"Just get out the gate!"
2nd Chronicles 20:15: “…thus sayeth the Lord unto you, Be not dismayed nor afraid by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s.”
2nd Corinthians 10:4: “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds;”
I'm a deep thinker...but not enough of a deep ACT-er. Taking action always seems so HUGE to me, so impossible and I still have a cynical assumption of failure. I am actually learning despite my Elder age of 72, that even a small action does make a difference. News-flash...grains of sand make a beach...
I have a pile of small sewing projects that end up on my bed, along with BOOKS and PAPERS. A cozy place, yes, but organized it is not. One sewing project in particular is primitive, involving a couple of humble remnant pieces of fabric, to create a simple waist-pack for the one day a week that I do some cleaning work outside my home, for about 90 minutes. I need a place to keep a few things like a handbag functions, but not impeding my arms in any way. I have no pattern but simply the visual idea rummaging around in my head. After simmering and simmering and simmering and observing that my current waist pack is barely hanging together with...literally safety pins, I grabbed both pieces of remnant fabric and scissors and simply...began to cut the fabric. I threaded a needle with thread that did not match...(Oh Noes!!!) and began to slowly, primitively, hand stitch the outer and inner pieces together. That is almost done and what remains is a way to bring closings to the top and a way to wrap it around my waist. Neat and tidy?? Nope. Sloppy, not necessarily, but perfection, a long way away. It is ragged and uneven and “the thread don't match”...but it will do! I JUST MADE THE EFFORT IN...DESPERATION. The tiny action is a small impetus forward.
Welcome to "Control Freak" Central, blunt Oregon girl division. I would not recommend visiting my vast estate, not just because I'm not a great housekeeper but because my ducks are most certainly not in a row ( just like herding cats!) We can discuss in the intellectual realm, thank you!
I often experience life as a "plethora of nothings", stuck together with the sheer element of the improvised! Some of that is being on the lower end of the financial realm, some is being a former member of the “Bohemian hipster club” with “Early American Flintstone” decor. This involves metaphorical and sometimes literal use of Scotch tape, masking tape , tacks, bent nails, AKA desperation. As humiliating as it is to tear open and with my written word, share with my dear readers, my elements of organized clutter, (mental, emotional and physical), I am acting by honorably following of the nudging of Holy Spirit, as He actually knows things and He actually knows ME! From the direct daily experience I have had in 7 + years of more intensive listening to the still small voice of the Comforter, He watches out for me, as if He is my Advocate! ( Insert deep sarcasm to my stubborn self!) Control freak, you think? My way has truly not worked, despite no lack of trying. You would think I would have set down my control freak panel by now...have I???
( I am not answering that question...)
God regularly throws me off my “control cliff” by simply sitting there, quietly waiting for my DESPERATION. You think He is good at this?? Let me count the ways! It is more than two hands-ful…
Today as I was struggling with the heavy weight of despair, as my years of sorrowful battles, especially over money, are not working that well, God asked me a simple question, " Why not allow Me to pick a fund amount on your behalf and take care of your finances?" His voice was not mean or cruel, it was simply a voice of caring. I actually have no debt, thank you Papa God. Long ago, after severe failure to control my spending, I cut up the devil credit cards back in 2002 and miraculously have no credit card debt. I live, however close to the bone, on cash and debit only. However, I do not have a large "STUFF" account, AKA a bank account, no lifetime savings. Yep…I am one of those…
Did I answer God’s offer in the affirmative? Yes, yes I did. I am already older, how much more time do I have to simmer and ruminate endlessly? Perhaps not so much, so I might as well allow the wonderful, gracious, dignified, SMART and merciful Papa to help me. Please...in DESPERATION, I ask and accept Your kind help! You know both my needs and my wants…and they are simple: to keep the basics of food, clothing and shelter going, to somehow manifest “more than enough to spare and to share”, and to help bind up the brokenhearted and encourage the discouraged. I do not want mansions and Teslas.
Even since leaving home at age 18...in chaos and grief and stumbling all the way...I never fully felt that I have "unpacked" my life. I did not formally marry ( I had a tiny handful of longer term relationships with men), I did not have children, I did not make it through college, I did not enter "corporate life" (rather, it forcefully told me "door is closed, do not enter, wrong type!") , I accepted that corporate realm refusal with a certain gladness, as I am way too restless to work in an office or corporate structure for very long. No mortgage, no huge debts, no student loans, no traditions of humans...the path of a loner and rebel and (former) Prodigal.
"Life by stumble" is seemingly practiced by so many of us who just do not feel we fit in, almost nowhere. My small church is so dear to me and my Brothers and Sisters in Christ are on the same journey as I am, even if they have deeper financial foundations than I do. They see me as "Warrior Wendy", which I am...and I still get prayed for and I love to pray for others!
For as many or few years as I might have left in this material realm, I have Papa God and His Son who always welcome me in, give me a hug and dry my tears and review with me what is what at any given moment. No scolding, no haranging, no castigating, no condemnation...but a simple welcome combined with a planning and review session to help me come up over. Flopping on the couch with Papa, I call this, just as King David poured out his sorrows in the Psalms.
There is room on the couch for others!
Wendy Elizabeth Williams Friday, January 17, 2025
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__Please pray for me, that I hear Holy Spirit’s still, small voice of counsel for my writing work!
Such cheery words. Real life. Many of us just want to squeeze our lives and experiences out on others in hope they will find our source and seek Him with all of their hearts. So many hurting folks out there, help us Lord to be faithful, in your precious Sons name
Dear Wise Lady, I make those sort of things you started your essay off with. Bags, containers,all sorts for my own use. I'm very good at it and until they are raggedy from much use they are attractive. I'll happily sew you a couple of patchwork (bags) or such I know the sort of thing you mean but not the right word. Send me the size and if you give me -not your home address,no,but a neutral address I can post them to,where you can collect them from,I'll do that. Just an offer. Over the last two years I've been non-stop getting rid of stuff. Yet Ive got as much as ever. And I don't buy stuff. People give me things,except love,respect and companionship. But also I know it's God giving me back double what I give away. Forty years ago when I put my life in God's control and literally gave up all my money (not a huge amount) but I assumed I would starve to death but I've never gone without a meal in my life and God returned to me twice what id relinquished. Which was actually a bit annoying (God likes to be unpredictable) as you cant go around posing as a noble ascetic beggar type medieval hermit saint when money just flows in your life without you even trying. Beg Pardon to the millons of people struggling on the breadline,deep in debt and working all hours. I was that until I realized the Secular way was crap. Now I went to my local church just up the road last Sunday. I stopped going there a year ago regularly . It was dreadful,after the worship,in coffee time someone kicked off. That person was shouting,swearing,angry - it was me. It was not good. Was it Satan inspired. Is the comfort of my life as I have set out above from another source than I might think. As a weak person I am the Canary in the Mine. I feel that my current sense of alienation is from the Powerful Dark Forces that are now at loose in our World and are now UNRESTRAINED.