A TAPED-TOGETHER LIFE

A rebel who fled and stumbled back...

• 2nd Corinthians 12:9 "And he said unto me, "My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness..."

• "Divine Order" has always been a desire of mine...and something I have never manifest for more than a few minutes at a time. How lovely the "Instagrams" look, the high fashion purveyors, the " Influencers, " the "Tellers of Tell" who appear so lofty and far above me. The fashion photographies and models are apparently serene, size zero, six feet tall, perfect and pressed.

  I can briefly admire their surface and seemingly flawless state. In reality, behind the perfectly pressed door, I am certain they have plenty of sorrowful chaos, as things do not remain in "perfect" status for very long. Dismay! Reality! Real life!

• I do not resonate with them. For someone like myself, from the "sea of bits", the myriad scraps of scribbled writing-idea notes, the “organized clutter”, the yearnings never met...this is why I am solitary. I do not "entertain." No one wants to come to my abode. It is not a bad place, just not stylishly presentable, but rather “polite-polished-barbarian” in temperament.

• With my decor of "Early American Polite Barbarian,” this does not draw much attention, unless one is a rock star or wealthy eccentric who does not need adulation or approval. Basic wounded survivors like me are not much sought out and remain much hidden.

  I cling in utter desperation to the hand of Papa God.

  Strangely enough, the Bible is filled with oddballs, those who do not always fit in or resonate much with formal structure. An Angel of God is sent to call Gideon to duty, who tells him "the lord is with thee, mighty man of valor." Gideon answers plaintively and with serious doubts and says,"behold, my family is poor and I am the least in my father's house." He then also goes on to fulfill his amazing mission of leading mighty men of valor into victory! Moses was formerly raised in Pharaoh's household, then has a violent encounter and flees, tending sheep in the wilderness for many years until he is called to lead Israel out of bondage in Egypt.

• David is the youngest of an impressive mob of brothers, and he is also a shepherd and forgotten until last and yet eventually becomes King over his people. Saul, later named Paul, is a stern Pharisee in training who lived to persecute Jews who followed Christ and is waylaid by Christ in the Spirit, on a road of slam-dunk and becomes an incredible minister of the Gospel. John the Baptist was an uncouth, loud-mouth prophet who called out the high and mighty and recognized the Messiah when he saw Him. Simon Peter was a likely profane and conniving fisherman, who asked Christ to "depart from me, I am a sinful man" when Christ came to tell him to "follow Me" and Christ built His church with Peter to head it.

  All these had elements of flawed human character. None of these had all their tempests politely in their proper teapot.

  Perhaps Early American Polite Barbarian might just be OK with Papa, as a work in progress???

  I have spent way too much time of my 72 years in rebellion and fretting and ruminating, simply not believing any actions could move me out of being stuck. I do have to politely remind those coming up behind me, that rebellion is REALLY not that much fun. The initial rush of rebellion can be quite fun, the feeling of “shoving back" against your perceived authority figures. ( discuss with my Baby Boomer generation, how that plan worked out…) Time, however, becomes the great leveler of all and the relentless movement of time, otherwise known as old age, brings the reality of parameters that do not bend for rebellion.

• In the rowdy and wonderful midweek Discipleship group at my small rural church, my pastor used a fascinating phrase this week as he continued our study on the prophetic. He used the word " forthtelling" instead of "foretelling." A subtle difference, yes, and also profound. He used this word " forthtelling" in the context of speaking honorable prophetic words over our own lives (reminding myself, a major offender in this negativity over me.) He said as we talk to God, we ask Him "what would You like me to do about this?" Hence, this is " forth-telling", similar to forthcoming, like a shortly planned event. It is essentially a "participatory" process and what a concept! How true and how the process of walking a life of faith in God and His Son works, day by day and problem by problem. It is not remotely easy, though, but worth pursuing!

• How simple this is and yet how I mess this up with fear and being hide-bound.

  Knock off the "gnarl", W.E.W. , it's getting old and, well, hide-bound.

• "Mebbe" there is a better way, huh? When in doubt, ask, listen and actually do. Even in doing, the experience gathers and I will know more than I did five minutes before...

• I have always said that direct experience, however flawed it might be, is always the best and realistic teacher. The realm of real life, though blunt and not always gobs of fun, is the direct teacher that gets to the point. I have always learned more in a handful of days of direct experience on a job, than all the manuals or classes alone. Very blunt but very effective.

  Help me, oh Papa, to come up out of a fear-based mindset that has held me in mental bondage for so long! I cannot do this myself, I have tried countless times and have given up to live in failure. I am weary, I am discouraged, I want to go Home...and yet, I know I have work left to do. Help me to take that next little step and not sit in despair and defeat. Please!!! I will take even one tiny step, please!

• Funny, God gave me this phrase recently, in my nightly "hang-out" with Him, with paper and pen, and this is Papa speaking: "I use the discouraged and brokenhearted to encourage the discouraged and brokenhearted." Tears pouring down my face, yet again, when I consider the gravity of that statement. Only Papa would take the failures to help the failures... NOBODY teaches like Papa God!

• Wow...just wow...and more wow.

  As I have said before, you cannot argue with God...and yet even if you do, He still loves you and offers you a prize.

  Come aboard, all you that labor and are heavy-laden...God gives you rest, day by day. He knows, you, He created you, He loves you and He can make a way for you.

  Wendy Elizabeth Williams Friday, April 11, 2025

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