BETWEEN WILD AND TAME

The balance of self-restraint...

• Romans 8:1: '“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit.”

• Balanced?? Me???

• I used to CAREEN in my youth, with what was called "manic depression", now called " bi-polar." It was STEEP ups and downs, fueled by too much sugar. I still struggle with ups and downs, if not to the degree of long ago…and no, I am not on any pills to treat this. I tough it out with God’s loving help.

• While the steepness can sometimes fuel some creative power, the price in emotional exhaustion is a growing tide in my Elder years. Even as a self-described "outsider" or "outcast", I still need a roof, food and clothing. Steep emotion is not always a bringer of stability. A grounding cord is needed.

• No wonder I take so much refuge...in BOOKS! My bed, which is also my writing place, is covered with paper (notebooks, file folders)…and multiple books. I am currently reading four books, roaming about between them.

• How deeply do I trust human beings?? Just ask... (hence, the books…)

• I have lived long enough at 72 to ruefully see the negative results from much of my own refusal to find a grounded road. The narrow path toward God and His Son is indeed difficult to stay on. Temptations of the material realm are myriad, including food, drink, sex, money, influence, power. I have fallen to some of these. They do not deeply satisfy the soul or spirit. The assuage is temporary, kids.

• When I miss it and fall off into the ditch once more, I then fall back into self- condemnation. What an un-lovely vice-grip is the phenomenon of condemning the self, a truly awful tool that needs to be tossed off the cliff, posthaste, even if it has climbing tools and sometimes returns. I am, however, gathering my own more effective arsenal to shove back (including deeper prayer, deeper relationship with Papa God, deeper understanding of God’s immense love and mercy.) As blunt as I am, I am still not accustomed to the battle tactic of going on offense… although even I am learning.

• Self-restraint, while not easy, is actually not too difficult for me to utilize, as I use the famous "one inch" method, hopefully understood! Strange for me, a rebel from way back, to come to the defense of the restraining of the rowdy and rebellious self, however gently it can be utilized. Since I have seen the gnarly repercussions of my OWN brand of gnarly, I can say with the vast wisdom of the Elder, "p’raps it just might work....put thy toe into the water and test it...just try the inch template of curmudgeons everywhere." OK…If I hafta…here “goez”…

• Papa God ( I call Him “Stealth Papa") once again specializes in gaining access to my subterranean psyche... He is, of course, the Great Teacher! He knows things!

• He totally caught me off-guard this week, as I was beginning to write this piece. I meet with Papa every single night, with my notebook and pen and pour out my soul to Him and He responds back with help and counsel. He told me "... your incredible vulnerability is very powerful, like a huge engine of great and awesome power, hidden under the hood of a tiny car, unnoticed, unprepossessing, bluntly straightforward but not loud..."

• WHEW! I will say I quailed a bit at the “unprepossessing” word…as that word sometimes has a negative context…but as I hang out daily with Papa and see His immense mercy all the time, I took it to mean that I am not shouting or vying for ATTENTION, and other than writing here on Substack and Notes and Ko-fi, I am not out in front, “unprepossessing”. I stand guard over the back-forty. I act as a type of “watchman”.

• This is the power of God that streams past our “blockheads”...and yet never condemns us for just not "getting it". Look at how many times Christ repeated things to both His apostles and followers. Going beyond what we see in front of us us not a simple thing. For those of us who still feel half-feral, finding the way through the thicket of life is not simple, except the rock bottom basics of food, clothing and shelter. I am "tame" enough to keep going...but Papa is the One I travel with daily, the only One I will trust to lead me deeper into relationship with Him, beyond raw survival.

• My self restraint will be an inch at a time, one tiny task at a time, one step up the massive mountain I fear so much. I have a Guide Who is always with me.

• More of my "avalanche of pebbles”, Papa?

  Wendy Elizabeth Williams February 14, 2025

• —Consider becoming a paid subscriber to “a blunt Oregon girl” at $5.00 a month ($1.25 a week or $60 per year)

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• Consider hiring me to do some short-hops of writing for you! I am very good at what I call “emotional-descriptive” writing. I am nothing if not authentic and I speak well from the heart. Authenticity can be a powerful tool to help and support you and your dear business. I especially like helping “micro-entrepreneurs” like myself! Very affordable and no long-term commitment! You can contact me here on Notes via a Direct Message or leave me a message on my Ko-fi page as well.

• Please pray for me that I hear the still, small voice of Holy Spirit, as He guides me in my writing! Thank you.