COLLAPSING ON GOD'S FRONT PORCH
Stark Lessons Learned
Proverbs 3: 5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways, acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.”
Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick; but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life. “
What’s a collapse?
Well, it is not a glamorous entrance.
It’s a crash. A crash is ungainly, untidy, unwieldy. You cannot tidy up a crash. You can , however, recover from it.
This is part of the inner workings of “learn by doing”, actually the best method of learning for most of us, regardless of the pain along the way.
Running from God is like that. You try to tidy things up, make it presentable, play the vagabond, the carefree, the wild poet, the rebel. It is carved largely into the American ethos!
I have played that role. It is the unpleasant remains, the repercussions of roaming about with no plan and no protection, amidst the carnivores out there.
It is God’s utter miracle I survived my chaotic 35 years away from Him. Only His mercy saved me. Even though I have deep scars from my rebel years, God is slowly healing me.
God, I will tell you bluntly, is RELENTLESS about pursuing His kids who have fled, the prodigals. He still offers you free will...but He does call and call and call you back to Him.
I discovered that God has a front porch! It is huge, wide, formidable and yet welcoming...and I fell onto it, flat on my face in ignomy, pure and simple.
After 35 years of rebellion and wandering , I stumbled back to God in an awful spiritual condition. As I say, I collapsed on God’s front porch in dire straits, repenting in deep sorrow... and hoping against hope I could come back Home.
That’s what sin is... and how effectively the devil spins his yarns of lies! Father God, ever the merciful Papa, opened His door immediately when He heard my “thud”, scooped me up in His arms regardless of my mess. I was sincere and deeply sorrowful in deep repentance...and God welcomed back my broken heart and contrite spirit. Repentance means sincere sorrow of your sins and turning away from them.
From the staggering marketing machine of modern ( “moderne”) America, staying on the narrow path toward the things of God and His Son is spoken of as dull, boring and unhip.
My entire Baby Boomer generation was lied to, ensnared in Satan’s lies of “evil is good”, “rebellion is cool”, “breaking free of traditions makes you free!” Who doesn’t want to be free?? We have paid a staggering price for that rebellion.
I remember long ago, when I was an on-site Manager of a gracious old building on Nob Hill in downtown San Francisco, I learned some useful and blunt stuff. The building was filled with twenty-somethings, young and prosperous corporate types. I was in my mid to late thirties.
Cleaning up one day in the basement around the recycling bins, I picked up a sheaf of notes lying on the ground, from someone obviously looking at condominiums for sale in San Francisco. This was an ad for a “ loft” in SOMA (South of Market) and the person’s note said, about the loft: “achingly hip.” I laughed out loud... as I had seen the same hipster places in my leasing agent career…the marketing machine at work! Really! You will just love having no walls or doors of privacy.... ( lofts are an open floor plan, meaning no privacy).
Sometimes it is the marketing of the shameless, as I mentioned above, like :”up is down”, “cold is hot”, “good is bad”. The devil’s fingerprints are all over it.
Sin is unfortunately also a “ learn by doing” proposition, a rueful and compelling one. The sorrow I felt over the sudden deaths of two immediate family members in two years my early teens, 1966-1968, just was so stark and I launched off onto a very bad path. Paths can get blocked, they can become an impediment, and they can also capture you. That is exactly what happened to me. I spun such a dastardly weave, I got caught in it.
Life is a roaring wave, all the way from birth to departure. I did not plan a bit, other than survival. Many of us “vibe” that way and keep close to that method of “life by stumble.”
I know it well.
It does, however, have some downsides to it...
You think??
Last night as I was washing the dishes, often a strangely comforting and contemplative nightly ritual-task, I was muttering to myself about my struggles with my weekly longer piece for Substack. Writers know...”sometimes ye flows and sometimes ye do not” with the crafting of words in a writing piece. Suddenly I hear the clear, still small voice of Holy Spirit say to me, “ Don’t partner with Sad.”
That stunned me to utter silence... as only He can, as my Comforter, writing coach and daily dear Companion in the narrow walk with God. I stopped, took off my rubber dishwashing gloves and grabbed my pen and paper on the table and quickly wrote down that phrase.
God is REAL, He is ALIVE, He interacts with you, He loves you, He actually delights in you, as staggeringly amazing as that fact is. He calls you to repentance, to fellowship with Him, which is NOT scolding…but relationship!
How many oceans of tears I have shed in my 73 years...sobbing more than smiling by a longshot. Not a good way to live...but perhaps part of being the empath...the sensitive soul who feels the sorrows of the world. Isaiah the prophet in Isaiah 53:3 speaks of the coming Messiah being a “man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” Because of the grief of my teens, that template became “plated” to me. Grief, sadness, tears...how the heck have I survived to 73???
“ Don’t partner with sad”...comfort and yet a five-alarm warning, in the gentle way Holy Spirit always nudges me. I get the message!
Just the feeling of the warmth and love of God’s arms around my emotionally battered self long ago...I never forgot it and I never wandered again. I am slowly learning by doing in a much better way!
I suggest the same path to any in the same place...
Wendy Elizabeth Williams, Friday, January 9, 2026
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GOSH, BLUNT, THAT IS BEAUTIFUL. “DON’T PARTNER WITH SAD” You heard the still quiet small voice of Holy God, Holy Immortal One, Holy Mighty One. If you don’t mind I would like to re stack this and with your permission share with close brother’s and sister’s in Christ
It seems to me that your life was timed to hit "the perfect storm" of adverse circumstances and God gave you the attributes for survival if you did succumb. So even in the worst time you had your sharp wits about you. It sounds like your Dad essentially was a good Dad but he too was hammered by events and couldn't cope but you've found God as your Heavenly Father.
I'm more the grumpy resentful older brother! I do feel for him,it may not the consolation his Father thinks it is that one day he is going to inherit the farm and everything. After all his naughty younger brother got to see the lights of Paree! That's my flippancy breaking out again. In 1945 "the war ended",no,it didn't,an 80 year armistice was put in place. We did not defeat Nazi ideology. It scuttled away to hide in a dark place and that dark place was academia. There it was reformulated,refashioned,given a shiny makeover,and reintroduced to the world in the 1960s under the guise of yes,freedom and choice and spoon fed to us like choice delicacies with delicious music,in fact particularly with pop music. I love sounds of the sixties and gold radio -occasionally - but I mostly stick to classical music now, BECAUSE it's not "the soundtrack to my life". Substacks Ted Goia The Honest Broker has written about how SCIENTIFIC STUDIES ( I'll give science a pass here)has PROVED that chords,harmonies, beats and melodies are aligned to our Spiritual affinities. More he says it's proven that some 'noise' I don't call it music directly channels demonic energy into us but it's up to us how receptive we are to it. And other music is beneficial but it is the beneficial music that is less encouraged and thats not only classical music. But I'm suggesting that music was used as the sweet sugary tonic to make the bitter pill palatable. Two recent examples of bad presented as good are from just a few days ago and heard on my radio. Callers in enthusing about fat loss jabs. Choosing to inflict on themselves Starvation of a kind I associate with the 1960s tv adverts or even now with scrawny African babies and adults. They don't have access to food and are at deaths door why would I want to artificially inflict that on myself. Second enthusiastic young lady journalist working for an AI magazine,tells us how we can have an AI best friend to hang out with in fact this "best friend" can be an enhanced version of ourselves. Suddenly having an "imaginary best friend" is cool! As long as it's not Jesus!
The Wild Guy roaming free on his motorbike is the quintessential USA freedom image,one version being the "hobo" or stranger who arrives in town,sorts out the big problem then leaves.