FLYING IN THE DARK...

(but not in my own strength!)

• Psalm 18:28-29, 35: “For thou wilt light my candle: the Lord my God will enlighten my darkness. For by thee have I run through a troop; and by thee have I leaped over a wall...it is God that girds me with strength, and makes my way perfect.”

• I have a lifelong kinship with the starry constellation of Orion and his belt!

  The mighty warrior of the night sky is one of my great loves in the natural realm...the Hunter with his focus and sharp weapon, charging across the sky from late autumn to mid-spring where I live, in Northern California.

• The warrior spirit in this constellation has a always given me a moment of hope amidst the tumult of the world and my own struggles with sadness. I am acutely aware of Holy Spirit exhorting me a few months back, to not partner with sad...and despite the wisdom of His exhortation, it is not easy. I still have a default to “improvise” and to “fly in the dark”, perhaps not the greatest life plan.

• One recent late night in distress, I went outside to pray and to gaze at the sky. There was my beautiful warrior, Orion, in his courageous display above me. In tears, I simply began to pray, crying out to God for help in time of need. As I prayed and wept under the night sky, looking up, I saw something that appeared to be moving, two things next to each other... It did not look like a plane (too low, no engine sound and no blinking red lights). Continuing to observe in curiosity, I suddenly heard the quacking of ducks!! I was surprised, as I have never observed or heard ducks flying at night. The quacking continued and as the birds flew over my house...I heard the phrase in my mind, “flying in the dark.” Deep sigh...as this is much of the story of my life, trying and fumbling under my own limited wisdom, street smart and snarkville. I hate to tell ya...but IT DOESN’T WORK SO WELL. I could write a book…Duh...and Hmm…

• Holy Spirit was offering me my weekly theme and title for my writing piece. He knows my heart and my soul so amazingly well.

• Some wonderful people out there do just “ducky” in the raw intensity of the rough and tumble of the material realm. They have smarts in the byzantine machinations of the extremely competitive world of business. As an empath and sensitive soul who lived in downtown San Francisco for 31 years, (to summer of 2011), it is 100% God’s miracle that I not only survived all those years amidst the fray of polar opposites and aggressive people, but that I somehow kept going. I am blunt enough to be highly observant and certainly did hold my own as a small person amidst financially giant people. I had all kinds of little jobs over those years! Street smart was definitely perfected in the City of St Francis. I could also “feel” trouble coming and did change my direction.

• Funny...I ended up managing onsite, a stately old Victorian apartment building on Nob Hill in downtown San Francisco near the Financial district...creaky, rumbly and filled with history. I managed it for 6 1/2 years. SF is not nailed down! It is brilliant, Mercurial and also utterly filled with some measure of eccentric and uncontrolled madness (perhaps parking itself at the tip of a peninsula atop the San Andreas fault might have a bit of influence, hmm??)

• How I remained cognitive enough to survive is 100% God’s mercy, as much of the time, I was stoned on marijuana. Mind you, this was some years before I returned to my Christian faith, from years of being a Prodigal and rebel. I was built on sand and survival mode, AKA flying in the dark!

• The Victorian was medium-sized and overwhelmingly filled with corporate and tech 20-somethings...with lots of education, youthful confidence and attitude. I, in my early forties, had a few clashes along the way...but managed to keep a reasonable peace for the most part. I actually got several recommendations from departing tenants, well-earned ones, I must say!

• I have lived my 73 years on many narrow lines. After the grief of the sudden deaths of both my mom and one older brother within two years of each other in my early to mid-teens, I wandered out, not well-equipped, into the frightening big world (youngest child) at 18 1/2 with little Dad guidance other than “ stick with one job”. This was not not bad counsel but it did not “ stick” with my restless self. I did not make it through college past one year. I did have some various kinds of help along the way...but I also WORKED!!! Gig economy thrives in big cities...but sensitive souls DO get flattened on a regular basis...and I was one.

• I have also learned from God, as I go along. He truly sends Holy Spirit, the Great Teacher, to walk with you day by day and effectively guide your path. He knows your weaknesses, He knows where you fall into the same pit repeatedly, He knows your gifts and He genuinely cares to help you begin to use them, step by step. Usually it is one single step at a time....but occasionally, mighty leaps do happen.

  God is not in a box...not cornered, not a thug, not a control freak, not mean and hateful. He is the wisest Father in the Universe and His only begotten Son Jesus Christ, laid down His life for all of us wayward kids, as Intercessor for us!

• He certainly does allow for some serious consequences of your unwise behavior...and therein lies the stark and stern lessons of life. This is epecially true for us who are not greatly nailed down, flying in the dark! Those lesssons for me included financial lack, worry, depression, chapter 13 bankruptcy in 2002 (during which I CUT UP ALL MY CREDIT Cards and now have no debt), two sorrowful abortions in 1973, various broken heart experiences as well as more than one sexually transmitted disease from way too many sex partners! Fun (NOT)!

• God’s learning is definitely learning by doing...and miracle of miracles...you can actually ASK FOR HELP, EVERY SINGLE DAY! No matter where you are when you start this conversation with God, I heartily recommend it! One step, one day, keep moving foward...as even in the mud, you learn things! I will keep repeating this! Sorry, kids, I am going to hammer this more than once, K?

  Wendy Elizabeth Williams, Friday, March 20, 2026 Vernal Equinox, first day of Spring!

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