FROM THE CALL OF GALL TO THE REALM OF WORTH

Body with Mind, Mind with Body

Psalm 139:14 “I will praise thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, marvelous are thy works and that my mind knows right well.”

I am an intensely emotional person and as an empath and sensitive soul, I feel things profoundly. As a writer, sometimes this is helpful in crafting a writing piece, speaking things I have learned through the school of hard knocks, via the written word. Other times it is flat-out exhausting, the intensity overwhelming me. The rough and tough things of the world sometimes stomp me emotionally into the dust. I then withdraw and the cycle begins again.

The stark thing about all this emotion, while it does stir creativity, it tugs on my soul. It also deeply affects my physical self.

Realistically speaking, I am getting older...a primal observation for any if us.

For all the wonderful intellectual discussions about Elder, Inc. , I have to tell you as a member of the “ youth quake “ generation ( Boomers), getting old is intellectual but predictably, it is much more physical. For any generation, watching one’s peers continue to depart one by one remains a stark experience, of course repeated throughout human history, the wheel turning. Up close and personal is this journey. Ones arrive, ones depart. From having already said goodbye to dear friends many years ago when HIV struck and Boomer companions from my age group ( late 20’s to late 30’s) began to fall to that terrible malady, to the ones of us departing now in our 60’s and 70’s, it never gets easier.

I also have forcefully discovered how the body and mind work together and can reflect each other... Oh rats, I was hoping to skate around that gnarly thing...as with my lifelong sorrow... “I’m not good at hard things...”

Getting old is the ultimate “learn by doing” gig...slow, repetitious...and relentless. “Teachers”, you say??

Yep, sometimes kind and sometimes stern.

Strangely and mysteriously, even in Elder age, there is a tomorrow...until the expiration day. We can somewhat predict some things... based on our current health. While there remains always the unexpected, there is a solid middle that seems functional for us. That is why “routine” stands with us as we age. It feels like a comforting grounding cord and a helpful anchor.

The challenge is health...both the creeping events or the suddens...

Right now, I have had a meeting with my gallbladder.

Ah, the intense event it has been...a quiet, faithful small organ doing its job, helping the liver, balancing the fats in the food I eat, not being a pest or loudmouth. For most of my 73 years, gallbladder and I never met. Headaches I have met, flu and colds, I have met, aches and pains, measles, chickenpox long ago, I have met...but not gallbladder.

Until the Spring of 2022...there arrived some pain, some belly upset, going to ER, some waving from a Cat scan and an ultrasound, that told the technicians I had gallstones parked in my g-bladder, as well as “ atrophied uterus”. Lovely. (No kids...)

ARGH ARGH ARGH territory. ER Dr. suggests “ gallbladder removal”. To which I say NYET (politely!)

People I have talked to who have had gallbladder removed tell me they regret it. While I take caution seriously, I also absolutely learn from what I call the “laboratory of my own life” and from my somewhat “ contentious “ temperament that questions things initially, as I sincerely seek understanding and information, including prayer, to help direct my decisions.

As I have mentioned before, I don’t easily trust.

There are, for me, certain “agendas “ at work: pharmaceutical industry, medical control and domination and the making of money, especially from my Boomer generation. While I profoundly understand the need to seek counsel and to care for myself and would never suggest that people do not look into things, I also do not do well being herded! I am not a docile “patient.”

While I do not ignore physicians outright, for my own wellbeing, I strongly need to do research and seek understanding on my own. I mean, I DO have to live in this (albeit temporary) structure called my body. Consulting “Dr. Duck Duck Go” ( or “Dr. Google” for some), I need to do this for my own sanity. While I know there are many honorable people in the Medical profession and I have met a few over the years, I also have observed directly that there are formidable $$$ forces at work that strongly nudge pharmaceuticals, surgery, various procedures on Elders. I have had only a handful of “ cuttings” in my 73 years: tonsils out at around age 5, cyst removed from knee in 6th grade, two abortions at age 20 in 1973, two endoscopies to check internal bleeding in 2021 (duodenal ulcer), cyst removed from head in 2025 and cataracts removed in 2022.

I am on no pharmaceuticals whatsoever, nor do I seek these things. I do not ever advise others to not seek Drs, but for myself, I simply do not resonate with most of them.

The gallbladder has definitely nudged me via Holy Spirit, to change some foods I eat (I have) and most recently asked me to explore the habit of stress and anxiety that becomes too much a habit. I certainly know the mind and body do affect each other. I am nothing if not a realist...and far from some perfect pristine specimen of well- behaved, but even if, when nudged more than once, I DO get the message. I quit ice cream, I quit donuts, I greatly reduced butter. Reducing these foods did bring relief.

I am not twenty...but neither am I ninety-nine and if I am still here, I have work left to do.

Blood test for “bilirubin” on Tuesday, April 21, 2026 told me I was in normal range. Increasing awareness and practicing some modest self regulating seems to work and I take this seriously.

My lifelong challenge has been emotional-mental...grief, depression, discouragement, felled by negativity, both my own and generational. Working on it...and that remains the biggest challenge of my remaining years, however many God grants me.

In digging online this week, I researched gallbladder pain and what are the emotional components of some of it? One phrase leaped out at me from one site...”lack of self worth.” Were they “reading my notes” , as my Pastor regularly jokes??

Lack of self worth is something I have battled for a long time. I do not hate myself but I do not have huge confidence either. I struggle with the material world in general, not being a hard-driving type A. I created my own type, “type Z” , as in the opposite of A! Self-worth can too easily, for me, be trampled by the mob and hence why I remain a solitary person.

I do NOT want to be that Elder who constantly bewails their current health issues to all within earshot ( I don’t!) I want to be informed and to understand this dear body God gave me and how to reasonably care for it.

Life...a visceral and emotional thing, all packed into a tight package, yes?

I am 100% sober in all things, no drugs (legal or no), no alcohol, celibate, a woman of God and follower of Christ, an Intercessor of prayer, an empath and deeply sensitive soul...

The fact that I still live is an utter miracle, after all the stupid things I have done.

God, being the sublime Stealth Papa that He is, is the most crafty Being I have ever encountered. He cannot be second-guessed, as He knows things...and is willing to share them if only we will hand over the keys to the Lamborghini and let Him drive us (because we’re drunk AND stoned in mindset and behavior...) As the Divine Mechanic...perhaps He might know more than we do...

Wendy Elizabeth Williams, Friday, April 24, 2026

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