"I'VE SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST"
From youth to Elder, experiencing the love of God
Ephesians 3:20-21:
"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we can ask or think, according to the power that works in us, unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout the ages, world without end. Amen."
Don't ever play Poker with Papa God---He knows things we do not. He never loses, and yet, unimaginably, He advocates for us even when it appears on the surface that we may be losing.
He is incomprehensible, undefeatable, and yet He is the Supreme Being Who sits down with me at the kitchen table and shares coffee and a humble visit, an incredible tender fellowship like I have never had before. Sometimes it feels like He is my only Friend and I can cry out for His help at any time of the day or night. No appointment or presentation needed, He and His Son are always there to guide and help (and nudge if needed.)
Papa God, His Son and His Holy Spirit are joining me on this difficult journey through the Refiner's Fire, this being the trials and difficulties we go through in order to be purified of darkness in our lives. As we grow closer to God, He purifies us step by step. It is the most difficult journey I have ever endured. The fact that God is willing to accompany me on the raw journey, one of ups, downs, oceans of tears, hundreds of " giving ups" in the valley of utter despair, unpleasant piles of worry and unbelief, this is truly amazing and a testament to His incredible mercy. Infuriatingly, He won't allow me to hate myself! WHAT KIND OF GOD IS THIS, ANYWAY??? Aren't I too flawed for Your perfection?
In the 35 years I spent as a Prodigal in rebellion and sorrow away from God, I unfortunately sowed a boatload of bad seeds: dissolute behavior of many kinds, which I have written about before. Even through all this, God relentlessly pursued me all the way through those years of tears. The refining involves the deeply digging up of the careworn, the debris, the heaviness of soul, the specter of limitation I have somehow hauled around with me since the intense griefs of my youth ( two deaths of immediate family in 1966 and 1968) and no clue how to make it in the world.) I just have not “fit in”.
God just quietly sits and holds my hand, smiling gently and yet fiercely, as if I am one worthy of being rescued . " Defending My daughter ", He says.
I have felt so lost for so much of my life, For the past nearly seven years (since Dec. 2017), I have spent nightly time with God, with a notebook, pen and Bible, pouring out my heart and seeking His words and counsel back to me. This has been a life-saver for me, the growing "Relationship" and not "religion" that has developed between me and God. At least a year ago, He told me I am one of His "late bloomers". On top of that blowout statement, then He drops this into my soul this week, in mid-August 2024: "I've saved the best for last!" As I will turn 72 in November of 2024, I am thinking "WHAAAAT????" This does not feel remotely nefarious and yet, I cannot comprehend this!
God, the immense Master Poker Player of the Universe, just delivers another overwhelming blow to my defense system, which the Pentagon, it is not...
I guess God has just BLUFFED me into His heart! He sees the gems hidden amidst the worry, the cynic, the emotional disorder, the continued struggle for needed resources. He helps again and again and again and again and again. He is truly relentless in His fervent and persistent pursuit of His sons and daughters. He wins and then gives ME the prize, that being His Son Jesus Christ and a way back Home to the Household of God. He has not given up on me, not matter how many times I fail. I am old, why should I matter??
What is this "saved the best for last"?? To this nearly 72 year old, I cannot yet imagine in full. Is it an end to persistent financial lack? (I am not in debt but have struggled so hard over money my entire adult life). Is it is a lifting of the worry that plagues me, even when I try to hand it over? Is it a level of accomplishment I have not ever had except core survival? I continue my lifelong love of beauty, a part of the temperament of God. The beauty in nature and simple things sustains me, plus my ongoing love of beautiful modest clothing.
There is no one like God, Who is mysterious and yet reachable if you just "flop on the couch with Papa." This is Master Poker player stuff. I guess I had better stop pursuing the game of Poker and perhaps...ASK for more help? God tells me day after day after day, "ASK Me, Seek Me, Knock and the door shall be opened to you."
"I have saved the best for last." God, here is my trembling hand, take it and make use of the gifts You gave me, the gift of words, the gifts to bind up the brokenhearted and encourage the discouraged. Please.
Wendy Elizabeth Williams August 17, 2024
—Consider becoming a paid subscriber at $5.00 a month
__Consider donating to me any amount from $1 and up, on my Ko-Fi page, at ko-fi.com/wendyelizabethwilliams
—Consider hiring me to do short hops of what I call “emotional-descriptive” writing. Authentic writing can be an honorable selling tool to present your own work or gifts! VERY affordable. D-M me on Notes or leave me a message on Ko-Fi.
—Pray for me! I always appreciate prayer, to hear God more clearly and follow His counsel!
Dearest Wendy, you have described your journey so well!
Our church group is in the midst of a study of Revelation, a book that I have mostly avoided in my studies of the Bible.
There is no doubt that the future for the believer is glorious. We may not understand the journey, but the final destination is wonderful beyond imagination.
We have hope that the world cannot comprehend.
Not to say that God can indeed surprise us with wonderful gifts of His love as we live our lives in this present world.
Lovingly, your cousin
Long ago, I saw a comic strip of someone with clinical depression sitting in church and hearing, "God is in control of everything. He did this to you. He wants you to feel this way." A lot of people would rather they never existed at all, would rather nothing existed, compared to what their lives are. But what you mentioned about the Trinity going through everything with you reminded me that God did not coldly weigh the pro's and con's when He created the universe. He chose to enter into our suffering alongside us as the incarnate Christ. Whatever happens to us happens to Him, too -- and nobody has suffered as much as Jesus, because ALL of His suffering was completely undeserved. Even then He thought it was better to love us than to never create us at all!