LIFTING THE HEAVY

Condemnation as a weight on the Soul

Hebrews 12:1-2: “Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, 2. Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

I love rocks, the colors, the shapes, the textures... and I collect some of them for remembrance’ sake! You know however, some of the are heavy! Some of my favorite rocks weigh more than an ounce!

Can I carry them in my pocket?? Nope. Too weighty.

Then why, many years ago when I lived in San Francisco, in a church Discipleship class I attended, did a young friend of mine ask me, “ Wendy, why does it seem like you carry such a heavy burden on you...like you carry a bag of rocks on your shoulders??”

Stunning statement...and true, regarding my heavy emotional load that parked in my psyche and refused departing. This is both grief that did not fully leave from Mom and one brother suddenly dying two years apart so long ago in my early teens, feeling the troubles of others and being a prayer Intercessor…and also core control freak template, too-closely applying to myself.

While the rocky shoulder weight has gotten lighter somewhat, it still does weigh too heavy on my soul.

A “combo platter” brings both old and new...from the heavy of youth to the heavy of Elder age and the amazing similarities.

One primal thing about getting old is...the sheer rawness and bluntness of our grip on control. I can certainly understand the desire to hold steady…and not fly out into uncharted terr-or-tory…but it does have a steep price to it.

There is the old saying “ no fool worse than an old fool”. That saying tastes quite bitter, despite the sometimes-truth of it. This does not mean the young and middle aged do not have elements of foolish in them, my misadventures of youth shared here on Substack certainly reflect that. We all do foolish things! I think the point is that supposedly, the old are supposed to gain wisdom from their years of life. Well...yes and no. Wisdom is gained through pain...through failure, through direct experience of what works and does not work and hmm...sounds just like elementary school, jr high, high school, college and the laboratory of employment, both self employment and employer employment.

Even I have most assuredly become less of a fool, over the 73 1/2 years of nuts, bolts, ditches, potholes, sinkholes, wormholes, roundabouts, narrow ledges, jagged cliffs, wrong-way streets, cantankerous “hoomans” (including self!), tempestuous rolling seas and dry river beds.

Life ain’t tidy, it’s messy, from baby to Elder .

We learn to make peace or else!

Tried war...didn’t like it...(arguing!!) Turned around and went t’other way..

At least I LEARNED from difficult experiences.

Stubborn is sometimes a defense mechanism and is common as we get older, with fear of the unknown and the felt-need to cover ourselves in protection.

Carrying the very heavy self- condemnation is wearing way out of its welcome.

As a perceptive empath, I can read at 50 paces...the sobering writing on the wall...a straight line and a sorrowful one.

Can I break thd old heavy template off my back?

I don’t know... can I?

Heavy weight versus freedom and flying with God…which do I prefer? Well...God I prefer... and at the same time, walking with God is a partnership..a seriously desirable one but a difficult one and also one that requires us to grow and change and become more like Christ in our temperament and actions. NOT REMOTELY EASY...( a legendary sharp tongue, here and a depresso-history of being defeated repeatedly!)

I was simmering this week on this upcoming Friday piece when I heard Holy Spirit in His still, small voice say, “ you place your entire worth, self worth, on MONEY. “ My entire sense of worth on money...and my persistent lack of it…that means running on less than enough…Sobering and sorrowful.

Thst smacked like an anvil, upside my hard Oregon head! Always scrambling, not in debt but not yet “more than enough to spare and to share.”

No One like Holy Spirit to both reveal and to heal. As stark as it feels, I would rather have the truth offered to me in a big gulp...instead of little bits. Another W.E.W. school of “just get the dratted thing over with, waiting is harder.” As stunning as that sounds, I have found it to be true.

As an experienced simmerer, I would say don’t sit and simmer too long...even the simmer water goes dry if simmered too long. I have been forced to learn that. Too much simmering is called “stuck in the head”.

My Pastor has said more than once, in the decade I have been attending his church: “pain is the best teacher” and I ruefully agree.

I can actually LISTEN to the still small voice instead of trying so hard to figure all this out by myself. God told me a few days ago, that I do not trust Him...and “you have scrambled for years to be acceptable to Me...when I KNOW YOU.”

Sigh...a big and teary sigh. Set down the bag of rocks, Wendy. As Hebrews 12: 1 and 2 speak of, “let us lay aside every weight and the sin which does so easily beset us...and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.” A tall order, yes.

Walking, holding God’s hand daily, pouring out my latest mess...and praying for HELP HELP HELP...I take that next step. Anyone can do this: talk to God and His Son, get to know Them a bit, ask for help, repent and turn away from sinful and painful behavior…and see the help come day by day! As God tells me daily, “One step, one day.”

Wendy Elizabeth Williams Friday, June 26, 2026

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