LOVE LETTERS TO THE POOR, CHAP. 10
The power of the clink: pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters and the God of the large, the God of the small.
Psalm 46: “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”
Even as an Elder at age 70, I still keep a small "piggy bank". I think that few who have not experienced being poor can comprehend the unexpected power of the sound of coins clinking into the receptacle of a coin bank. Pieces of commerce, regardless of how small, do add up and also add to the comfort of knowing at least some funds are there.
As a woman of sharp tongue and strong opinions, regardless of whether I have an accurate basis for them, I have only in recent years begun to temper my big mouth and to more deeply experience the depth of the profoundly holy and honorable nature of God. In my great times of struggle, which are often right now in the financial realm, I also can sorrowfully see how horribly God has been misrepresented, "dissed" and castigated for things that are most certainly not His fault. He is blamed for everything, when the blame rests squarely on our own human rebellion and sin and that fallen angel, Satan, who lives only to steal, to kill and to destroy. The poor especially fall under the awful sway of the lies of what Jesus called him, "the father of lies", the devil. Even those who profess to "know" Him, seem to miss His core nature, myself included. He is called "judgmental, bigoted, a big meany, a thug, a purveyor of violence on 'innocent' humans, scary, a control freak a ruiner of fun, an old fogey”, et al and ad nauseam. This makes all the more incomprehensible, the immense love and mercy of God over the long human existence.
As I continue to write my weekly series on "love letters to the poor" and share my own visceral experience in survival living, I have a great need to dig more and more deeply into the core and kind nature of the One Who made us all. The sheer patience and compassion of God is incomprehensible. Even just watching me through my continuing and harrowing journey up and out of financial lack, God is an ever-present "help in time of need." Learning more intensely about His love is a key.
The sheer tenderness of God, Whom I have come to call "Papa", is staggering. For the last 1,934 days, since end of 2017, I have "flopped on the couch with Papa" every night, with notebook and pen, pouring out my soul to Him as the Psalmist did and then sitting and listening for His voice of counsel and guidance and writing down His words to me. This has been my overwhelming saving grace. This is not at all easy. This is slogging through a bog or swamp...and yet I have no other choice but to keep slogging. There is only one way out and that is plowing, plodding, slogging directly through the mess, with God and Son accompanying me. This is what God calls "fellowship" and is relationship, not religion! This is the messy and disorganized nuts and bolts of one human life. I am in desperation and humility, asking God to please travel this mess with me and "get me outta here", if You please! He does, but He does in a different way, not whammo and all out, but one trembling baby step at a time. (See toddler, age 2, for stark reference…)
Even through my copious flow of tears, enough to float a ship, I see the leading and welcoming and comforting Hand of God beside me. He leads, He heals, He gently corrects, He nudges, He points the way, He advises and He LOVES. The power of Love is overwhelming. This is NOT cold intellect! This is "flopping on the couch with Papa" as with a beloved dear family member or friend, with whom you can bare your soul and show your flaws, no matter what. Almost no humans I have ever met can fill that need. 99.99% of fellow humans I have met are just as gnarly as I am, in various ways. We are to first of all, LOOK to God for help.
The fact that God actually cares about my small things, like household supplies (dish soap, bath soap, paper towels, TP, facial tissues, shampoo, toothpaste, etc.) is something I cannot understand. (I mean, He has a Universe to run...) Every single thing today costs more and more and more and as a Senior on a fixed income, I have been absolutely scrambling for even the small things of life, as mentioned. God is actually leading me, piece by small piece, supply piece by supply piece, through giving thanks for what I have NOW and this very moment. Not that He has a problem with saving and planning, but many of us in poverty, have not done well in setting aside things and saving money. We certainly try! Even when we attempt to do so, we struggle so hard with this and fall into terrible despair over the constant and immense scramble for the basics, much less the rent mountain and keeping the lights on.
That process is not fun. From age one to 100, no human is released from this need. The One Who made us from nothing and spoke us into being, has us in the palm of His hand. I cannot comprehend this, why would He want ME in His palm?? I am messy, dirt-covered, profane, stumbling, bumbling through this world of woe...why would He want to hang out with me??? ( Of course, these are the devil's words!)
I still do not have an answer...but I do more and more feel His presence through this terrible and protracted financial trial. I do not have to be neat and tidy, perfectly coiffed, organized, confident or have great accomplishments. God chose the weak and foolish things of the world for some reason. He did not choose the great and mighty. I will certainly ask Him about that when I come Home...but for now, I have no choice but for today and today only, to put my little coins in the pig bank, hear the clink and grab for my mustard seed of faith for one...more...day. I so resonate with the Psalms, as King David had epic rants before the Father, utterly pouring out His soul before God, raw, blunt, sometimes in sheer arrogance and pain and did not hesitate to simply CRY OUT TO GOD FOR HELP. Our "smart" culture scoffs at things of God, as if us humans are so great and wise and perfect.
Excuse me, have you looked at the world today??? A thorough and filthy mess from one end to another, no exceptions.
We cannot do this alone. We need to humble ourselves before the mighty hand of God and seek, knock and ask for help, all the while considering our own ways and shutting our big fat mouths, me too!
Coin by coin, I will come up out of this...or die trying and head Home to my country cottage in Glory. I do think I have a bit more work left to do....so I actually think God just may lift me up and out of this travail, step by stumbling step.
WW April 20, 2023