LOVE LETTERS TO THE POOR, CHAP. 4

"For your heavenly Father knows you have need of these things..."  Matthew 6:32

“Losing the terrible burden of worry”

So much of being a lower income person is the constant running, from the "rent mountain" to utilities like electricity and phone and Internet, car insurance, any debts, food, general supplies, pressure and demands from employers, health care and a myriad of others, etc. From the reminding words of Jesus in Matthew 6:32, “Your Heavenly Father knows you have need of these things.” This is a great admonition and one to work toward!!

Worry is an unwelcome guest, continually imposing its bony behind  and taking up the comfortable chair when YOU want it. It is not an obedient nor congenial visitor.  Heavy, sodden, rueful, sorrowful, negative, glass almost empty, not even half-full and resides in the Marina Trench, expecting you to live there, too. Not fun, not pleasant and finally finally finally, I am no longer desiring to live in the worry realm, after so many long years.  Singing loud chorus of Hallelujah!

Worry is an ancient foe. It is heavily threaded with the lack of self-worth that I believe, based on my own experience, is a leading factor in poverty, feeling not enough and generally out of the flow of " normal well-adjusted humans." (Do they exist???)

Dunno.

I have vivid memories from early childhood, of an unpleasant vision that came to me repeatedly, albeit briefly.  It was the classic stereotype of the "old hag", a scowling, bent over, very aged woman, glaring at me over and over again, saying nothing but shaking her very bony finger at me, as if "YOU are NOT ENOUGH."  She had a sorrowful and guilt-producing visage and not a desirable one to visit with. She was shame incarnate and a condemning spirit to the core, as if I could never measure up to her standards, whatever they were. She finally left me...but her residue remained into my youth and adult years.  I was not the high-energy and driving force type but more creative, introspective, introverted, solitary and not the social butterfly.  I was flattened by social climbing and demands.  "Flunked social conditioning."  The sudden deaths of my Mom and my brother two years apart in my early teens, laid me bare and stripped me of any tenuous hope I had a grip on.

Fortunately, I was brought to God and His Son in childhood. Through that holy thread, I was at least prayed over by my Godly Mom and I believe it was her ardent and loving prayers over me before she died, that sustained me through the 35 years of desperate rebellion and wandering that took me far from the loving shelter of God. The material realm  slam-dunks us all in one way or another. With God, we have a Partner and Companion and Heavenly Father Who walks with us through the chaos of the Fallen realm and into Eternity with Him when He calls us Home. We need not stumble on alone and afraid.

Self-worth, despite the somtimes desperate battle it is, cannot be faked or forced or rushed.  You have to do the deep fellowship and relationship work with Papa God, through the mud and grime, through the dark corners of your soul that you do NOT want anyone to see, especially a holy God. Well, tough. God knows and sees it all and hence, His love is such an overwhelming force, that no matter how many times you tumble and fumble and wander and weep and fall in a crumpled heap in the valley, He is there right beside you, picking you up, hearing your tears of rage and repentance yet again and He walks through the rocky plain back to the path with you. This is so far from only the intellect or the mental power...this is a profound deep dive into the dark night of the soul. No such “surface” yes-words will do anything. This is intense and contrite repentance, being raw and authentic before God and His Son DAILY. You cannot let the garbage of the world accumulate on you, it is too heavy. It must be cast off daily and commanded to GO.  This is NOT "polite Christianity", this is warrior boots all the way, with some oasis places of rest periodically so you do not get too exhausted by the battle. This is NOT "Jesus, meek and mild", this is the LION of JUDAH, Who can bounce the devil out of here and indeed HAS entered the dark realm and stripped satan of the keys of hell and of death after His victory on Calvary.  

Don't carry the junk!   Ask and humble yourself before the mighty hand of God and see step by step, His miracle and love begin to transform you.

This is not positive thinking, affirmation or any such, even though those have a place. This is a dramatic and primeval partnership with little old you  and the One who made you. What an utterly mind-boggling idea! 

I admit, I hate "hard" work am not good at it. I do not mind working and indeed, I have had all kinds of jobs in my 70 years of life. I am not doing "nothing" and am a strong survivor. I just have struggled so hard with finding a path to tread that did not end up in the Slough of Despond (see Pilgrim's Progress book!)

Part of my daily small lessons and fellowship with God includes His directive to “daily write down all the things like bills due, income needs,  dreams, etc. and what I would like to do to also help others and share it with God in my nightly time with Him.  This little and humble list is actually a life-line, as I slowly and surely see items crossed off. Do you understand how powerful it is to see item one, item two, item three, with a checkmark next to it?  This is NOT instantaneous, this is step by step. This is NOT fast nor is it sexy or glamorous. This is the pure nuts and bolts of life, from the level of basic survival.  I am not stupid, I am very street-smart but I have despaired of ever coming up over. 

For now, as I have no other choice, I will keep on, as with the countless times I have started in a spark of hope and crashed into the dust once again. This is a tiny travelogue with God, a daily  hike over small hills and dales with the One who loves me and made me. This is not travail, alone. This is travel, not travail!

Join my journey as you are also on your own.  Let us help one another in encouragement and even the tiny spark of HOPE. Each of us is a hidden gem, loved and created by God, to a wondrous purpose that ONLY we can do. 

Wendy Williams   March 8, 2023