LOVE LETTERS TO THE POOR, CHAP. 8

"Utterly spent and at the end of myself... in a heap at the base of the Cross of Calvary"

"But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise, and the weak things of the world to confound the mighty."  I Corinthians 1:27

Why God does this (1 Corinthians 1:27), I have no clue. I certainly resonate with this verse, as I fit the description perfectly.

In writing this, my  Substack corner of the Internet, I am committed to being open and baring my soul as a sensitive and creative person who has not thrived in this material world. I know there are many out there who feel the same and it is my tearful hope that my blunt words will actually encourage someone else to keep on and grab hold to God. While God has not promised perfection and ease in this flawed place, He does offer daily help and provision bit by bit as we learn to partner with Him and most importantly, forgiveness of sin and a place in Heaven with Him when we leave this world. I have certainly not thrived in this Earth, blundering on my own but I have no reason to not accept the help God offers. Even when I fall and try to give up, He is always there, offering an extended Hand of help and love.  Always.  I wandered away from God for 35 years. Disaster!  No more wandering, even when things are hard. Hold fast!

In this Easter weekend, April 8, 2023, I am wrapped in desperation at the base of the Cross of Calvary.  In my recent nightly time of fellowship with God, His Son Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit, I wrote that " I am utterly spent and at the end of myself."  The protracted financial battle I am in has worn me to bits. I am moderately behind on my rent ( first time in several years) and another bill. I am exhausted. I have never been good at the financial or material realm. I am CLINGING to God and despairing of life itself and longing to go Home. Part of this is my own weakness and part is the devil whispering despair in my ears, because that is what  he does.

What did the Lord Jesus reply back to me??  He said  "tonight you speak of being 'utterly spent and at the end of myself.' This is a good thing, despite the sorrow you feel. The end of yourself allows Papa God and Myself to come in and lift you up. You are not Sisyphus endlessly rolling a large rock up the mountain, only to have it roll back down. You are  a free-born woman of God who shines through your tears...Hand your burdens to Me, I am equipped to handle them. For  tonight, just lie at the base of My Cross of Calvary, hand your burdens to Me,  wrap your arms around the rough wood. Just lie there with your burdens (the rent mountain, etc.) and pour them out and allow Me to carry them..."

For my nearly 2000 days of nightly close fellowship with God in His Trinity, I have ever so slowly drawn closer to my Creator. I steadily have seen His mercy and faithfulness, even through my many flaws. As my temperament is one of melancholy, rebellion and despair, I have been an especially difficult "case". This is one reason I write about the despair of the poor. I am intimately acquainted with it, from  45 plus years of running and running and running up the "rent mountain" and scrambling for survival. While I have had some breaks in my life, here and there, my core has unwisely held on to the the cynical view that I cannot be helped and cannot find my way up and out.  This is the devil's pit and being the liar and effective marketer that he is, I have too often fallen into his filthy corner.  This is why we cannot do this alone!  This is why we need the love and help of God.

The material world is easy for some people. They make money with ease, they are highly confident and positive, they have power and influence and plenty of funds to live on. While God has always kept me afloat with the basics and while I never long for great wealth or surface items of affluence, I have seen the intense financial struggle wear me down to bits and hence my travail and despair. I know the sorrow of poverty and this is why I can deeply empathize with others in the same tearful boat.

When Christ spoke to me of my "utterly spent and at the end of myself" feelings, He also said "being utterly dependent on God is a polar opposite to the hard-driving ethos of Western culture. As a little child learns to trust that their Papa will care for them, they loosen their fearful  and 'unworthy' grip and begin to slowly relax. WW, no matter where a child of God is on the spectrum, start where you are---one day, one step, one more drawing closer to God and His Son. This is a key to moving forward in faith---your simple faith that God will provide for you, will lead you to honorable work opportunities that will bring funds and not overwhelm you and yet bring forth the words you are gifted with.  Holy Spirit will write through your pen!  He will help you, word by word. Remain at the base of the Cross tonight, as I journey through hell and free the captives and take back the keys of hell and of death from the thief  and see the veil that separates humanity from God, torn fully in half! No more separation but a union and reunion. to the Body of Christ."

Powerful words from my wounded and precious Savior.

The Christian faith is unique in that "the Word became flesh and dwelt among us." (from John 1:1) The very Son of God came down into this dreadful mess of a world and experienced the sorrow, pain and suffering of the very humans God created. He does not just look down and shake His head, He actually dwelt among us and still does, from Heaven. He intercedes, He heals, He calls to repentance, He takes anyone from where they are at any given moment and works with each of us AS WE ARE. He leads us slowly up and out of our troubles and into Eternity with Him. This is not an overnight journey, nor is it an easy one. I am the poster child for not liking nor thriving in hard things!  I do not mind work but I hate HARD work!  I have worked all my life in various capacities but the whole element concept of "hard work" never resonated with my sensitive and poetic spirit. I get tired and discouraged so easily!  Work, yes, hard, no. I do not expect others to care for me, I know I must make effort and I have certainly done so for 70 years, I have just met a huge roadblock of old age + dispirited emotions + financial lack.  

I still feel no good at this world and I am uncertain how much I will accomplish before God calls me Home. While I cherish each day of life and what I have had is more than others, I still do not hope for a long life. I simply CLING to God and go forward, even awash in tears, the "weeping warrior Wendy" and pray that I can offer encouragement to others who are also in deep despair. Instead of continuing to blunder our way through this vale of woe, we are to break down life into one day pieces, partner with God in all that we do, repent quickly when we miss it, ask for help and miracles along the way...until we all gather at the wonderful place, together in Glory! I SO look forward to that day!

My humble and tearful message through this chapter 8  of my series on "love letters to the poor" is HOLD FAST TO THE HANDS SCARRED FOR YOU.  REPENT QUICKLY, ASK FOR HELP, SEEK HIS FACE, PARTNER WITH OTHER FLAWED HUMANS ON THE SAME ARDUOUS PATH AND LOOK AHEAD TO ETERNITY WITH GOD, HIS SON AND HOLY SPIRIT.

Happy and blessed Easter, keep moving foward, even a tiny step at a time. Don't camp out in despair!

Wendy Williams    April 8, 2023

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