One-night stands, what a sad expression of longing and defeat! One night to not know someone, sometimes not even a name, to surrender to primal desires that do not end up behaving like the movies, where frequently one emerges unsatisfied, empty, longing, and yet planning to try again, around the corner.
Lust is not the best of life strategies, despite the throbbing desire bothering you, as you know from blunt experience that the throbbing desire is more like a headache...
Lust, based on my long-ago decade-plus of youthful baleful experience with both men and a few women, is a hunger that never gets filled. Always seeking, seeing the surface counter only, not the hidden clutter of the drawers and shelves and dirty clothes in the hamper. No humanity, only the faux serene lack of authenticity. The eternal hungry hunt is glamorous only up front. Behind closed doors, lonely, deep sad sighs, alone yet again. Combat boots I need, for this is like sexual war, the patrol, seeking the next new thing, knowing most people are not remotely interested in your heart, soul or spirit. Distress is forbidden, imperfection solemnly disguised. This is a sorrowful play of untruths that ramps up time and time again.
Lust is an addiction, just like drugs, alcohol, gambling, money, power. It is truly a hunger that never gets filled. There is the brief visual spark, the nameless person of you and them, the hoped-for brief carnal encounter that once again foils your desires, a sorrowful repeat and faint hopes dashed. There remains the empty and gaping hole in your soul that is filled with mud, boulders, unfulfilled and barren, just like an addiction.
I well remember using and being used. One night in Seattle in the late 1970s, I met a hipster guy and his female partner. He pursued me, I went to their home. He took me to their bed, in which the lady was already there, turned away to the side as man and I climbed in. I murmered to her, " Is this OK??" She answered quietly in the affirmative, so man crawled on top of me, was done quickly, rolled off and went to sleep. I, well-experienced in this nasty game, softly got up, dressed in the dark and slipped out to my car. A few weeks later, I encountered them both at a social event. He looked right at me with no acknowledgment, cold as ice.
From the user side, I once was at a popular leather bar in SOMA, San Francisco in early 1980. I saw a guy I was attracted to, getting heterosexual vibes from him, as this bar was rather "fluid". I was way in the back of the bar, my gaunt small frame shadowed by the dark wood wall behind me. I simply began to stare at the man. I did not respect his space, I did not flirt or smile, I did not play the feminine coquette. No, I just stared, with my determined legs standing stocky in military and offensive stance, obviously making him uncomfortable. Long story short, I succeeded in my base seduction, took the guy home with me, had sex and then he made his way back home. I only saw him one other time, a sad and unhappy soul that was not having a great time. I used him.
Try again, try again, try again...the essential tormenting tug of physical attraction. The temporarily bright spark of "chemistry" that tugs your soul and your groin, with certainly no "meeting of the minds." Why did I do this so many times???
Body not relaxed, innards in pain, no touch of spirit in any way. I found only the disappearing mist of promise that never came to fruition. I almost never had an orgasm in these encounters and only the briefest of sexual rush, not nearly enough for the effort and bad result.
The culture of "sexual freedom" is a tormenting lie that fans off in so many directions. The even sadder part is that singular lovers long gone still wander in my psyche, affecting my path and sullying my spirit. I do not blame any of these people, as I was a willing participant through all the messes I made. I simply did not comprehend that each and every person I had sex with, even one night, was imprinted on my body, mind, soul and spirit and only the cleansing and healing touch of God and His Son can undo the mess.
My sincere desire in writing these ongoing short booklets of warning, is to sincerely advise that people do not pursue lust. I know it is an unpopular theme and all are supposed to be wild and free and untrammeled.
Unfortunately, all that is a huge lie. I do not wish to "preach" but I do wish to warn!
Step back, consider the cost, partner with God, repent and get saved, seek God and ask His counsel for a wonderful wife if you are man or husband if you are a woman. God's way makes a place for honorable sexuality that is grounded in an understanding of what sex is. God is not against sex, He created it! He made it for two purposes: one is the continuing of the human race as sperm might meet egg and a new life is made. The other purpose is for ongoing deep intimacy and loving fellowship of "one flesh" of husband and wife. Is this easy to do? Not remotely. Is the benefit of monogamy a blessing? Absolutely. No worries about STD's, possible chaotic responses from a complete stranger, broken hearts from being dismissed. I do not think marriage is remotely easy. I have never been formally married although I do have experience in a long-term relationship with one man. I do understand the interchange, the eternal dance between male and female, as old as humanity itself. Two tribes of humans, men and women, the divine figure 8 that brings love, support, advocacy, mercy and a safe place to land back and forth and to care for the children created. Easy? No way. Wandering in lust? Even harder and more barren. It gets more difficult the older you get.
Stick with God.
WW 8-24-2022
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