THE MORE, NOT THE MERRIER
“WHAT NOT TO DO!”
It was the first and last time I faked an orgasm. In bed with one of our hippie group's biggest carousers (he likely gave the crab lice and gonorrhea to multiple women, including me),I guess I was just next on his list. I had no feeling that I meant anything to him and really do not know why I placed myself there. Adding the faked, albeit small faked, orgasm was just the topping I did not need. My behavior was an implicit and silent message to him of how great he was in bed (NOT), what a great kisser he was (NOT) and how much I wanted to do it again (NOT). Talk about female empowerment (NOT)!
I did many stupid things during my foray into the great "fun" that is "sexual freedom". I paid some very bad prices for those stupid things: sexually transmitted diseases, uncomfortable side effects from birth control pills I took for one year, very painful sex, two unplanned pregnancies in a row, both sorrowfully terminated by myself in Autumn of 1973, the year Roe passed in the USA, emotional chaos-broken hearts-tears falling over and over and over again. All I wanted was to be loved. I did not really expect to settle down with any man, and yet I longed for tenderness and a sharing of affection. I thought I was finding that ghostly shimmer of freedom. That was what all the songs told us and how hip the free women were, how wild and weird and just too cool to be able to jump into bed with anyone we took a fancy to. Those dreams were fully presented 24/7 and well-marketed to millions of young women. All lies!
Not good dreams or life paths, no. They are a sorrowful nightmare. From that hideous and filthy sexual soup has been birthed the terror of increasingly virulent sexual diseases, rampant unplanned pregnancies, the slam-dunk to your emotions that abortion really is, children having sex and children having children, the breakdown of the traditional family structure in the name of the great “god” of freedom.
Satan is a very effective marketer and liar. Jesus Christ calls him the "father of lies" and I would concur. He presents horrible things in a lovely package. He speaks in the language of the "air" or the material realm, especially of media and some creativity and he presents foul ideas tied in lovely paper with a silken bow. The thing with marketing is, you become vulnerable to it, day after day and to the potent forces of peer pressure and the desire to be hip and cool. This is a particularly American phenomenon and it was perfectly poised during the 1960's. Following the quietly mulling rebellion of previous generations (1920s) that were not quite the "youth quake" of the 1960’s, things did explode in the decade of 1960 to 1969. The birth control pill was combined with the great sorrow of the Vietnam War. There were extreme pressures of seeking "freedom" from restraints and traditions which Satan told us were "square" and to be abandoned. Young women in particular, poured themselves into nasty little bottles of pressure, "like, be free, man". Well, based on what I went through, up close and very personal, “like…YUCK!” Not pleasanr, not pretty, not sexy.
I think, based on my own unhappy experience with being pressured, one sees the power of the push from outside our own spirit, to do and be and think things that really do not resonate with us. I compromised a good number of times, hoping into bed with someone I was not really attracted to and then after the sex was over, always brief, I would think “WHY did I do this????" Even commiseration with my "sisters" did not place a balm over the sadness.
I am not shallow enough to think that I was not at fault, pursuing lust at times on my own. I saw a cute guy and going only on physical attraction, attempted, usually successfully, a seduction of the man. It was almost always brief and left a gaping wound behind. It is almost like an addiction: you see, you want, you pursue, you get and then you are empty and trashed. Yet, I pursued so many sexual partners over at least a decade...I lost count, likely between 50 and 75. Not the greatest of wisdom.
It goes both ways.
I am not a simpleton. I know both men and women did this to one another. In the decades following, in addition to all this male-female mess, we have added the LGBT to the mix and the results are the same, trashed bodies and souls, empty and lonely and constantly seeking and seeking for that something they need. It is a hunger that never gets filled by human beings.
I know the answer and it is repentance, Godly sorrow, a sincere turning away, a cleansing weeping. This is a renewal that only God and the Lord Jesus Christ can bring.
Wendy Williams