THE WISDOM OF AGE (S)
I learn best by doing...sometimes down in the mud, in the ditch, stumbling over a pothole, in the deep valley, or the brick wall with my name on it. I have reached almost no mountains in my nearly 70 years. The revered "school of hard knocks" has hammered my door many times.
Have I really learned by doing? Well, I have certainly learned the stern truth about "what not to do", like what side streets are really a dead end, a blind alley or a blocked cul-de-sac.
I was deeply loved and wanted by my Mother, who after two sons, prayed for a daughter and gave birth to me three months into her 40th year. She and I were best friends and I came to Christ in childhood and enjoyed years of faith in the Baptist church with Mom. My Dad, however, did NOT want me and pressured my Mom to have an abortion, which she heartily refused. Yet, through all the nearly 14 years I had with Mom (she died overnight a month before my 14th birthday), I was much my Father's daughter in some temperment: rebellious, sharp-tongued, with a rebel's persona in my youth. I have lived much of my adult life as a Loner and not a roaring success in this material world, in survivor status in the rudiments of the economy. Survival is what I have known best. Low expectations, being satisfied with the simple basics, and yes, Commander, it seems the older I get, there is the looking back, the retrospect, the rumination of what I have accomplished in my nearly 70 years. This is the "what the heck was I thinking" territory, however rueful. My Boomer generation was spun off my parent's generation, those who survived the Great Depression and segued right after, into WW2. Their entire youth was sacrificed to economic struggle and huge war. My Boomers were rebels from the start and we set out to say plenty of "no's". In the 1960's, a nasty little war in Vietnam drove a spike through so much of society and took many young men, including one of my older brothers. This exacerbated the social rebellion and poured gas onto the fires of rage. His death seared my soul for many years. The sex-drugs-rock and roll paved over niceties and wrenched many of my generation. I wandered in sorrow for over three decades, away from God.
Rebels are often not known for material success---too peeved, too restless, too scattered to stick to one thing, like Dad urged me to, " stay focused"and I never did. No centered sense, no fusion of sparked ideas, no pile of gold. Survival, food, shelter, clothing, basic employment, running and running and running...
And yet....
After 35 years of wandering away from God and useless rebellion, Christ the Good Shepherd continued to come out after me and kept calling me Home. Finally, with me in a pile of chaotic mess and sorrow, He succeeded and I began to repent and to slowly, painfully, rebuild my shattered life. Coming back to God is the first step and as the Father of Fathers, He brings you Home, He helps you clean up the surface stuff and then the deep cleaning of the Refiner's fire comes, the routing out of wounds, healing and cleaning. This does not happen quickly nor with ease and yet it is necessary to shape us into the beautiful likenesses of Christ, in His Spirit and walk.
As I look back from the vantage of a "baby Elder" at nearly age 70, I can see the ages of human life as they reflect the human determination to "do it MY way." I have walked all through each of these. I will only share what I myself have been through, the following human ages:
Age 1: I WALK, therefore I AM.
Age 2: I TODDLE and I say MINE!
Age 6: I am the mighty first grader!!! I can say ABC, 1-2-3!
Age 10: First double digit age, I have survived a DECADE and much of elementary school! I am powerful!
Age 12: On the cusp of leaving childhood, puberty invites itself in, sometimes rudely...
Age 14: I am POWERFUL, in between first puberty and mid-teens, I have GREAT WISDOM, adults hear my roar (mew, actually...)
Age 18: DANG! Freedom!!! Oh double dang, now what??? College perhaps, flying on my own a bit, scary stuff. Parent’s basement looks good and yet…no…
Age 21: LEGAL??? ME????? You expect me to do all this financial stuff????? Under an employer's thumb??? Paychecks, rent, Visa-MC, PGE, Smart phone, food, clothes, car or bike, taxes????
Age 25: WHY are employers SO demanding???? Why do they seem to want my soul???
Age 28: Striking distance from being OUT of my twenties and NO LONGER CUTE TO ALL! Can no longer rely on my inerrant youth, must work for it. More DANG!
Age 30: OH GOOD GRIEF, NOW WHAT THE HECK??? Could already have a husband or wife and...CHILDREN???? HELP!!!!!!! A MORTGAGE or RENT rising... ARGH!
Age 35: More EMPLOYER blues and looking into "career" ruminations and fuming...WORK, WORK AND MORE WORK...
Age 40: Sometimes called “the old age of youth." DANG DANG DANG, my life could be half-over???
Age 45: More than half-way to entry of older age... ARGH...
Age 50: Sometimes called “the youth of old age." Good grief, what the heck happened, where did my life go???
Age 55: Why is the AARP writing to ME???? I am not old...
Age 60 Dang, this is getting OLD...no pun intended...and my physical self is knocking at my psyche…HEY YOU, over here!
Age 65: What have I set aside for BEING old??? Not enough. Medicare invites itself into my finances...and maybe Social Security???
Age 70: OH NOW WHAT??? Bingo, shuffleboard, retirement villages, NO THANK YOU. I cannot afford to retire much..NOW the heck WHAT, God??????
I am stopping at 70, because that is where I arrive in less than four weeks, Oct. 8, 2022. I did not think I would live this long and I certainly did not plan for it. Many have planned much better than me. At this point, I simply cling to God and take it literally one day, one week, one month at a time. I refuse to be under the control of the "medical-industrial complex" and "old age central". I am not a cooperative patient, nor am I patient...Still part rebel, remember?
NO THANKS to “old age central”. “Cue, I'm all YOURS, God!"
I will stick with the Great Physician the vast majority of the time and ask His counsel on every physical thing. I will eat my fruits and veggies, I will walk, I will stretch, I will breathe deeply from my belly, I will PRAY for self and others, I will give and sow, I will hold fast to God's hand and stick like a burr in His saddle, not wandering out into the ditches any more.
For however many years I might have left, I will write from my painful and learned experience, to WALK WITH GOD, DO NOT WANDER, BRING EVERY SORROW AND CONCERN DIRECTLY TO HIM DAILY AND TO KEEP MY HEART AND REPENTANCE CLEAR EVERY SINGLE DAY.
That is all I know how to do.
WW 10-8-2022