WHAT NOT TO DO, A FURTHER BOOK OF WARNING

"I THINK SOME GUY FORCED HIMSELF ON HER."

                                                         

John 10:10:  "The thief comes not but for to steal, to kill and to destroy:  I am come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly".

 Ephesians 6:11-12: "Put on the whole armor of God, that  ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places"

My Dad's dispassionate voice still rambles through my spirit years later, as he, out of the blue, spoke to me of a trauma my own Mother likely endured in her youth before meeting my Dad. This is something she never once revealed to me and something in which I find a certain sober kinship. As she died overnight in 1966, before I made it seriously into puberty, I never had the chance to "process" with her and that will have to wait until I get Home.  My sharing of this piece of sad history from my own family is in line with my own tumultuous sexual past and the depth of woundedness I have experienced and still deal with even at current age, nearly 70. God has most clearly called me as a writer to begin to pour out and essentially bare my soul to the world, in a blunt statement of  what one Baby Boomer rebel has been through and what it has taught me at my Elder age of the stern realities of just what sin is. I share how deeply we pay a price for  rebellion and wandering off into the ditch, away from the protection of God's perfect way for men and women. The Sexual Revolution has been an unmitigated disaster to the human race and I am one of the walking wounded from it.  Mentioning my Mother's trauma back in her youth in the 1930's, I see a root of bitterness that was somehow passed on to me and one I also offer back to Papa God, for healing.  Part of my healing also involves writing all this sorrow and awful hard lessons learned in the visceral realm of bodies on bodies and the search for "freedom". This is very blunt stuff, so I am warning you ahead of time, sometimes I will get quite strident in my descriptions of just what all this really is.  (spoiler- alert...)

I began this pilgrimage of truth-telling by sharing what I went through with two abortions in a row.  Well, duh, pregnancy comes from SEX...so I share now my merry foray into the yucky wonders of sexual freedom (massive and sorrowful sarcasm!).

The enemy of humanity, that fallen angel Lucifer, is the father of lies and also essentially, a marketer.  He markets the polar opposite to what God has offered to us.  Even in this fallen world, God's plan includes the love and kinship of one man and one woman in a life covenant called Marriage and the raising of any children that may come through the sexual union of that man and woman.  This is His plan and when we ask Him for help in finding a mate for life and then place God in the middle of our life together in male and female bonding in family, we bring God's help into every area of our lives together.

As far as marriage is concerned, I cannot speak for it, as I never married.  Watching my own parent's marriage fail and many other marriages as well, I became quite fearful and distrusting of the institution of marriage and decided in my great wisdom at age 18, to "not go there" and to roam (you know the word…) my way through cute boys and plenty of them. I have had a tiny handful of deeper relationships with men but never married. Many one night stands and the attendant chaos is what I had.

This roaming is what I did, with unpleasant results, to put it mildly. This was long before I also began to explore being bisexual, which will be shared in future writings.

For now, right after my high school graduation in 1971, I marched my bold self on down to the local health department and asked to get on birth control pills. I was allowed to do so at age 18.  I remember blowing the mind of the gynecologist, a nice and proper lady from India, to whom I inquired while on the lovely examination table, if she could also give me information on getting sterilized!  She looked quite shocked and said "NO!"  I did not pursue it...but onto the dreaded birth control pill, I got. Three brands and types of pills later and one year and ten pounds gained around my middle, I quit the pill, after unpleasant side effects from each.   What I did also get in short order, was gonorrhea.  That was back in the day when "the clap" could actually be cleared up with penicillin.  Miraculously, I only got it once and was also treated by the same lady doctor (poor lady...)

I also got a lovely case of crab lice, such sweet little critters these were NOT.  One man gave the crabs to multiple women.  This was the worst itch I ever had in my life and particularly in my most private place, what an unpleasant experience. That was gratefully healed by a smelly ointment and by boiling your underwear.  How sexy that was (more sarcasm).

Good grief, this is visceral stuff, even all these years later. There is NO romance, no chocolates and flowers, no courting, no gentlemanly or ladylike behavior and no bonding for more than a few minutes.

I weep when I think of how much I erred through all this. I simply plunged in through my deep sorrow at the loss of my Mom and two years later, my brother being killed in Vietnam.  I think many of us cope by lashing out in anger and that indeed, captured a lot of the Baby Boomer generation. We had so much coming at us with the terrors of the Vietnam war and the draft, the intensity of political upheaval, the presentation of the birth control pill and supposedly of women's sexual freedom.  What a huge load of bunk.

I cannot contain all the details in just one writing piece and indeed, this may segue into a book, as I feel Holy Spirit telling me as I type, to wind this "journey" piece down as like a serial, part two, to be continued.

I will say that lying there in the dark with the next physical stranger, my body was not relaxed and was in pain, the fluids of sex leaking onto the bed sheet, the gaping emotional wound repeated, I wept in my soul. This was not smart  My emotions churned with "what the heck did I just do, again???" I then robotically would get up and put on my clothes in the dark and sneak out, such a yuck factor.  Such freedom...

Not freedom, but a mordant and filthy sexual soup that tried its awful best to swallow my body and spirit up. It almost did it. 

I will write later on about my close brushes with the AIDS virus and increasingly violent behavior around me. It was a miracle that I myself was not sexually or physically assaulted. I certainly was verbally. In retrospect, know God was with me all the way through that terrible blundering wander through the barren wasteland of "freedom".

Children, the thief (Satan) is a liar.  Plain and simple, he lies, every day, all day. His task as the liar in chief, is to capture and destroy as many souls as he can, especially ones who had a bedrock before, in God and Christ Jesus and who roamed off the path. I came to Christ in childhood but wandered from God for 35 years, in sorrow and rebellion. I came back, heartily humbled and in chaos, never to wander again.

I give thanks today and every day that I was not lost forever.

I have many chapters to write in this, so stay tuned to further adventures in the exit door from darkness that I have been through.  God is merciful, that is why I write.

I also write to remind you that we are at war, a spiritual warfare and we are called to wrestle with the thief and the principalities who attempt to conquer this nation and God's people.  The realities of the increasingly virulent attack on God's sexuality for humans and on the realities of infanticide and the wounded army demanding more wounded in their army... time to take up our spiritual swords and pray as never before. 

Wendy Williams

P.S. Please note that this piece above is one of 100 pieces I wrote for my church, between July 2017 and May 2020. I will share some of these bit by bit, as well as new pieces I am guided to write. Subject matter remains the same, the journey back Home of a repentant Prodigal, who wandered and was grateful The Good Shepherd came out after me for 35 years, until I surrendered and returned to the Household of God. Note: instead of wandering into dark and dangerous places, just BRING YOUR SORROWS DIRECTLY TO GOD! Pour out your hurts, rant like King David did in the Psalms, and ask God for help and forgiveness, as He and His Son are the only Ones who can help each of us find our way out of the Slough of Despond!

WW 10-22-2022

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