WRITING WHILE CRYING

My Legacy of (holy) tears

• Isaiah 53:3,5

  “He is despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not...But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.”

  --Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saves such as be of a contrite spirit.”

• The book of Isaiah, one of the major Prophets of the Old Testament, spoke profound words in chapter 53. While there is still debate as to whether Isaiah 53 speaks directly about the Messiah to come, I can clearly see the unforgettable parallels. I always wondered why the Messiah was called a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. Well, He took all the sin of the world, all our darkness, on Himself. Christ, the Son of God, made that supreme sacrifice for all of us. He was resurrected from the dead and returned to Heaven to sit at the right hand of the Father and INTERCEDE in prayer for us!

  I am, myself, intimately acquainted with sorrow, from early youth to the present day. I have short hops of sunshine...but the clouds usually come in and cover things, more often than not.

  For myself, both in my Christian walk and during my years as a Prodigal away from God, I cry. I cry a lot and still do to this day. That’s my steam-vent. No drink or drugs any more ( that part, I did, long ago). No “treatments,” just the raw and free-flowing water from my eyes. My Mom did, too.

• As an empath and deeply sensitive soul, I often feel like a sponge...experiencing so much of the heaviness and sorrow of the world. That is one reason I need more solitude and quiet than most people. No, I would not say I “partner with sad”...but I do feel the sadness of the world, a lot. I love light things...but my core nature is more depth-prone, deep thinker and all that attendant mystery.

  Trouble is with crying...tears let the steam out but put no ballast back in the tank. I have experience in running on moderately empty, “empath empty” for over seven decades. Country-girl born and raised, later big city survivor and street smart, gig worker, personal assistant, running and running ...and making not enough progress.

  Then this Messiah Guy says to me, “ hand over the keys, please, bees-knees. I’ll take the helm of this God-loved daughter’s boat, OK? I know the way Home. Time to trust, stubborn one!!”

  “Control Freak Empaths”...being ordered to hand over my large jangling ring of keys, (of world domination, NOT!), my secret magical desk with all the unseen drawers with treasures hidden ( I’m not telling)...not at all easy to let go.

  I’m not the helmsman! News to me! Drat…and yet I keep running aground, perhaps I should hand over the keys…Duh…

  I tell you, Christ has some direct experience in taking back keys. He had a rather bold visit to the devil’s lair...after Calvary and unexpectedly knocking on the filthy front door of the lower realms, interrupting the party of darkness who thought they had won... striding in, alive and very well...and forcefully taking back the keys of hell and of death from the devil‘s foul hands. Freeing the brokenhearted captives...like ME... apparently...requires handing over the keys.

  Yep, that’s really easy (sarc...) and yet, my success ratio is pretty much is 99-0 , under my own steam engine. At the least, I do know which side I have been on, the God side.

  Might as well try it...and stay in the boat on my lake of tears, with Christ at the Helm of the ship. I seem to remember this Guy having some success with scary storms in boats...(see Mark 4: 37-41).

  I wonder...are there whirlpools in lakes of tears?? You know, the circles of stirring waters swirling in a seemingly trapped and circular dance to nowhere??

  I have seen small whirlpools in the sea, near the edge...going around and around with no apparent end in sight...what causes them? Gravitational pulls? Unseen forces that pulls water into eddys...I do not know, only that I prefer to give them a wide berth...is outer space wide enough?? Several million miles?

  I intimately know the feeling of being seriously stuck in an eddy of negative emotion! I’m an expert of “function” and “survival” but not yet victory.

  Our foundation of life, our formative years of childhood and adolescence, is profoundly shaped by family.

  I grew up with a grounded but very negative dad, a talented but crying mom...an underlying spirit of sadness, not a greatly joyous household. Never malevolent but also not lighthearted. Functional, at least...reasonable but not a “Gooood Mornin’ ” type of cheery. Practicality, utility, a job to do...but joy? Nope.

  Low expectations, head politely down, not necessarily dour but also not much joyful. The Great Depression function...my parents who had their young adult formative years during that conflagration in the early-to-late 1930’s, leading directly to World War Two, were also shaped by all that Depression and depression. Grounded but not joyful.

  This has to be a Papa God plot...for me.

  I have a history, a legacy of heaviness, of negativity...and yet God told me several years ago, when I first began daily hanging out with Him, that “ Wendy, you’re a raving optimist.”

  HUH?? Depresso central, what?? Leave it to the Father to rearrange my ears and what’s between them.

  Papa God is both wise and stealthy...don’t ever play poker or chess with Him, you will lose, and yet, He will reward you for at least joining the table game, A for effort, you understand! A Stealth Papa, indeed.

  I cannot predict the Mind of Christ and His Papa, but I can know I have unseen Advocates and Intercessors, standing in the gap for me, even in my foolishness. I know that following Someone you cannot see is difficult, especially when that Someone is asking you to TRUST Him and asking you to “hand over the keys, please, bees-knees!” No reasonable choice but to agree! I have run out of options,

  sigh...and yet, I will and I am agreeing and I will continue to “will and am”, hand over the keys.

  What else can I do? My own way has not worked. I do have deep compassion for the brokenhearted, having the depth of experiences from my own life. I see the hands of God in every area of my life, however intense and visceral.

  If you also are alone in a rickety boat on a wild and stormy sea...ASK for help! Cry out at the top of your lungs! Just ask God to carry you safely to shore, sit your dear self down and pour out your heart to Him. Partner with Father God and His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. You will find loving support for your sorrows. Your life will be changed and honorably shaped toward belonging, toward wonderful fellowship, toward Godly love, toward using the innate gifts He gave you. This is not swift but slow and steady, securely anchored to the Rock that is not moved and into Eternity with Them.

  Am I in divine order in all things now?? Nope. Do I have an Advocate for me? Jesus Christ the righteous, 100% YES. At age 73, the days do count down to my own Homegoing (NOT immediate!!)...but in the meantime, even through my tears...I can clearly see the goodness of God in the land of the living. You are never alone with God and His Son.

  I will say, I do quite a lot of praying for people on Substack Notes, often multiple times a day. People often ask for prayer on Notes and I lay hands on my laptop screen and pray for them. That is a tiny ministry for me...right here in my own small corner, praying through my own tears...for the other brokenhearted of the world, that cross my path on any given night.

  Wendy Elizbeth Williams, Friday, February 27, 2026

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