ATTRACTING, DETRACTING

Appealing, Repelling

• Romans 5:8: "But God commands his love toward us, in that when we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

• What a dichotomy!

  Myself, of the legendary sharp-sword-tongue of "warrior-Wendy" temperament who regularly scared people off in my rowdy youth... am regularly getting “approached " by men on Notes (and Pinterest as well)!

  Have these men not noticed I am SEVENTY-TWO YEARS OLD????? What???

• I have been writing for awhile on what I call "the war between men and women,” that ancient ongoing realm of differences between the two tribes of humanity.

  I am myself, not at war with men, I love men, even though I have had my travails with them over the years.

• As a woman of God, follower of Christ and a former Prodigal who after 35 yrs, found my way back to the Household of God, I certainly have some steep insights into the troubles between male and female. They are polar opposites in both physiology and core biological function, in that the female body is designed for childbearing and the male is the hunter template. And yes, I can hear the screeching now, of how dare I not subscribe to superwoman, running a huge company with one hand and holding an infant with the other. Nope.

• While you are free to climb all the ladders you want, I do not subscribe to this template. I am the polar opposite of a competitive and hard-driving person, more solitary in nature and need more sleep than the average person and yes, that is also not a recipe for success! I am generally OK with that, as I am more solitary, with short hops of "visiting" with people and after which, I need a nap! One dear Pastor I knew in the past, described me as a blend between extrovert and introvert and I agree. I am mostly introvert but I do have short bursts of extroversion, where I can talk someone's ears off!

• That being said, I am genuinely puzzled by the male attention ( this involves sending a Direct Message or sending a message on Pinterest). I do not seek male attention in any way. In fact, my persona could be experienced as..."blunt" or prickly. While I grew up in small town America, I also lived for nearly 40 years in big cities, including Seattle for four years in the mid to end of 1970s, San Francisco proper for 31 years, to 2011 and 4 1/2 years in close-in SF urban area up until 2016. I would sometimes be out and about in my car, driving to the showing of apartments in San Francisco and being a person of small stature, I had to develop a very street-smart intensity. This does not mean rude or angry but it also does not mean meandering around without being aware of surroundings. That is big City 101. I also learned quickly how to hold my own with the young people I showed apartments to, many of whom were very savvy "tech" people. I knew my City stuff and apartment stuff and helped them but also took no guff or "shoving". Even though I now live in the "sticks", I have not lost my street smart awareness.

• While I am certain Holy Spirit put me here on Substack and Notes to have a type of quiet ministry of "encourage the discouraged", I do not roam about offering to help. I listen deeply to people and when I hear a cry for help or a sorrowful tone, I pray and then I offer a comment of encouragement. I know what it is like to be in grief or sorrow or simply overwhelmed by the world. I do not push but I listen and if they ignore me, I leave them alone.

• I do not object to the male hunter template, as that is how humans have survived all these thousands of years. There are most certainly plenty of female warriors and hunters...but if one is several months pregnant or caring for young children, the job of hunting likely falls mostly to the younger men. The natural division of labor fell into place for obvious reasons, to keep the tribes going and fed and protected so the next generation could have a chance to grow up and keep life going.

• In this modern time of 2024, it seems the rug has been pulled out from so many of us. I see the yelling of feminism (former feminist here!), the anger of the MGTOW movement ("men going their own way", which is a movement of heterosexual men refusing all contact with women) and I know for a fact that some things between men and women are not good. I grieve for all the broken hearts on both sides, my own in the same boat to some degree. The pressure of the cost of living, the loneliness, the brash and brazen and the obsession with the carnal rather than the spiritual runs deep in our culture, the wounded leading the wounded. Not good. I have a handful of male friends, mostly from my church and I do not long to be married. I am single and celibate and focused 100% on God. This adds to my wonder, over the male attention.

• What gives, guys? Do you perceive me to be giving out "signals"??? I do not want to do this. I don't want to be rude...but I am not "on the hunt". My Bio photo is certainly not sexy in any way, it simply presents a gently smiling Elder, sitting in a chair, with a bit of color on my face and wearing multiple layers against the cold. Not exactly a "sex bomb” and I am neither a “kitten” nor a “cougar”!

• From my own visceral experience in the dance between male and female, I have gleaned some difficult insights. There is nothing wrong in seeking companionship! Yes, I know many are just searching for sex and that is usually easy to manifest in this florid culture. In my youth, I myself expended formidable energy "on the prowl". It did not turn out well (unpleasant sexually transmitted diseases, broken hearts, two abortions, frazzled energy) and I would not recommend just constantly being in "hunting mode". If sex is all you want, you will be headed for major loneliness on down the road, not remotely fun. You actually do get old…( see Williams, Wendy Elizabeth…)

• Sex alone is so brief and does have some unsatisfying consequences to it when pursued in a shallow way. Instead, consider talking first! If you resonate with someone and it appears, after a bit of contact (and yes, longer than one minute) that they seem to resonate back with you, then next step would be having coffee or at the most, a neutral lunch, not dinner! A simple, low-key shared meal (out in the world, not at home), is a neutral way to puruse that major element of "attraction", beyond just physical chemistry. That element is...the MIND. A mental enjoyment is key. Conversing, discussing, as they used to call it in the olden days, "getting to know someone", this can actually work. This is the meeting of the minds and it does work to illuminate, to shed light one way or another. Understanding and connection is what you are seeking, a clear signal or reality.

• Getting to know someone is not instantaneous. You know, in my own youth LONG AGO, I never "dated ". If I had a " chemistry " with a guy, he knew it and if it was mutual, we both pursued it. I learned the difficult lesson that while chemistry feels solid for the moment, it has no roots and must be built brick by brick.

• This is why God created a way for the Male-Female dynamic to work: complimentary opposites in the holy partnership to keep the human race going, to share honorable intimacy between husband and wife and to hopefully grow in faith in God together. This not at all easy and it needs God’s expert help!

• The beautiful template of the Proverbs 31 woman is a profound one. This is the wife who shares with her husband, the committed caring for the family. She is both Mother and an actual business person and manager of the household, as well as conducting business endeavors outside the home. She retains the respect of her husband and her children as well. This is difficult to aspire to, especially in this instant-everything time. However the rewards are deep and lasting and better than a one night stand. Please take counsel from me, one who did not deeply pursue this holy thing and please do not follow in my footsteps!

• Understand that I am not here "lecturing " or "scolding”. I am a flawed woman of God on the road toward heaven. I am a blunt survivor of the sexual wars of the 1960's and 1970's and I have to tell you, they were not fun. It was all the devil's marketing gig! That devil does not sell satisfaction in any way, he only sells HUNGER and an immense and unsatisfying amount of it. You are empty, empty and more empty in both body-mind-soul-and spirit. This is why Christ called Satan the “father of lies”.

• Searching for something with soul and spirit rather than only the surface and the carnal, I think that is a better recipe than hunting online for a "friend".

• I will tell you that in my own amazing, albeit gradual experience with God, after He sent His Son, the Good Shepherd, out after this wandering Prodigal, leaving the 99 to find the one lost sheep, God is truly a protective Father. I call Him "Papa", a deep term of undeniable authentic affection and gratitude. He has been with me through the darkest nights of my soul: the sudden deaths of my Mom (massive stroke) and an older brother (Vietnam) within two years of each other in my early teens, my years of sorrowful promiscuity, through two bouts of marginal homelessness that lasted close to a year and a half, going through a huge earthquake in San Francisco in 1989, fleeing a huge fire in my California county in 2018, in which I could have lost all, struggling frequently with financial lack...and yet NEVER being alone or deprived of the basics.

• He hears your broken heart. He can lead you to a wonderfull woman to love and be your wife! Seek Him out, listen deeply for His wise counsel to work on yourself first and consider following what He guides you to do! He actually...knows things!

• Wendy Elizabeth Williams December 6, 2024

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  -------https://ko-fi.com/post/My-favorite-lip-colors-part-one-a-tender-shade-A0A4173TJ5 ( this is one of my three current short pieces on Ko-Fi, about my love of makeup and beautiful garments.) This one piece is about Clinique Black Honey lip color!