DEFENSIVE MODE

Out of the cave, towards the hope of the Stealth God!

• Psalm 68:18-19 “Thou has ascended on high, thou hast led captivity captive, thou hast received gifts for men, yea for the rebelious also, that the Lord God might dwell among them.”

  Hebrews 4:14-6: “Seeing then that we have a great high priest that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. For we have not a high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.”

  God the Father, Whom I call the Stealth Papa, is teaching me some verrry interesting things , such as “sometimes hope is not immediately visible. It does not shout. “ Just like Holy Spirit, it can speak with a still, small voice. So the visible is not always immediately and easily visible? Just perhaps...I must keep my hunting clothes on and remain in quiet readiness, keeping watch on the observation deck, scanning the horizon? Turn off the laptop and phone, place Bible in hands, be more quiet, pray and pray some more! (The Wendy Elizabeth Williams School of “well-duh…” )

  I have a dear kinship with one of the flawed and very human saints of the Bible, the prophet Elijah. He had a great triumph against his sworn pagan enemies, who had done great damage to his beloved Israel. In a very primal face-off (I Kings chapter 19), Elijah defeats the Baal prophets and decimates them. When his life is then threatened in retribution by Jezebel, the violent queen of that land, he flees to the wilderness in despair and terror.

  He falls asleep under a tree and in sorrow, asks God to let him die. He is awakened by an angel, TWICE, fed by said angel and is told where to travel, sustained by the angelic food. When he arrives at the destination, he finds a cave and stays there. God speaks to him and gently asks “what are you doing, Elijah?”, a legitimte query! Elijah asks God to “take away my life” ...in his depth of sorrow over his life being threatened, along with many others who have already been killed by his enemies. God sustains him with zero scolding or haranguing and treats Elijah with compassion. He shows Elijah how God can be found in the small things (not the “great wind”, not the “earthquake”, not the “fire”... ) but found in the still small voice. The point of the back and forth, is God is present in all situations and learning to trust Him is the mercifully repeated key to all this.

  I am learning the difficult lesson...that things are not always as they seem on the surface. Despair has flattened my life too many times, I am not an easy-going person. I see the dark too much, still not enough light and that colors my view.

  God, the Great Teacher, is leading me on an exciting-SCARY-rollercoaster ride in my Elder years, learning things that perhaps should have been obvious in younger days...but were not fully, sidelined as I was by grief. Well, live and learn, what else can I do? Better later than never, yes?

  I have been a stubborn person as a survivor by default, living in pure defense mode, which is a “blocker” if there ever was one! So much of my life has been lived in hunkered down survival-defense mode, especially in my years as a Prodigal, away from God and His Son.

  I fought desperately to simply keep afloat and not be utterly swamped by the torrents of both the world and my own emotions. How well I remember my Mom’s sudden death in my early teens. My parents were separated and heading for divorce and once Mom died, I ended up back with Dad. He had no great bond with me and no clue! “Don’t be so sensitive”, he would lecture me....yep, Dad that will really work to help me! To his credit, he did not abandon me and did provide for me, roof, food, clothing, education, transport and for that I am very, very grateful. However, despite being likely obsessed with women in his younger days, he did not seem to understand females, not remotely. Women are wired differently from men...( did you know that??)

  I had to learn by doing, the warrior way. I am astonished I still live!

  I do indeed have a kinship with Elijah, a fellow sufferer of despair, who then went on, at God’s loving counsel, to have triumph before God brought him Home in a chariot in the sky! Wow~unexpected and part of the Stealth Papa God all the way!

  I learn much from the natural world as well, my plant and rock friends are some of God’s emissaries in the realm of simple lessons of hope.

  I know two small wild outdoor plants that I care for with water regularly.

  I have cared for these two plants once a week for a couple of years...until suddenly one appeared to be dead. For some reason, I continued to water the plant. After a month, I saw two things: a living plant appeared to the side of the seemingly dead plant, obviously accepting some of the water I gave. Suddenly this week as I watered the seemingly dead plant, I spied tiny greens of growth at the base of the plant! Not noticed before, hidden in the accumulation of leaves on the ground, there were the greens of growth and hope (remember, “not immediately visible…”)!

  “ Up, down and sideways.” They used to call it “ manic depression “ when I was steeply failing in college long ago...and I was way up, way down and gorging on sugary junk food. Not exemplary behavior in Eugene, Oregon, University of Oregon was where I stumbled along in one of my first forays into adulthood.

  Not particularly impressive is putting it mildly. Now they call it “bi-polar disorder” but regardless, steep moods are not fun.

  I think the prophet Elijah had some of them, too.

  I love the Bible as a book of profound wisdom. It is also a book of VERY flawed human beings, not immediately obvious as Saints, who struggled, fell down, FAILED flat in the mud, acted stupid, argued with God, yelled, screamed, cried, plotted revenge...and then turned about and said to God, “HELP ME”, and He did!

  One thing I am learning at more than halfway to 74 is, you cannot out-guess or outfox God...and He will work with you, if you just slow way down...admit you do not know everything, humble yourself even for a moment at a time and ask plenty of pithy questions. I still call it “flopping on the couch with Papa” and surprisingly enough, it actually works...slow but sure. I am not fast, despite my sometimes quick mind. I force myself to slow way down, dig deep into my pile of tears and see both the gashes and the gems revealed at the same time. No condemnation from God, only the revelation knowledge that I am not only loved but I am asked to turn away from behavior that brings sorrow and pain and actually take one step toward trust. Not a bit easy…but needed and asked of God.

  Based on my direct experience with the excellent teacher that is the school of hard knocks, while pain is indeed a primal teacher, a better Teacher is God Himself via Holy Spirit, who relentlessly and yet gently leads you out of whatever morass you find yourself in. God will guide you up and He will guide you out! I, even today, feel His Son Jesus Christ’s Hand in mine, gently leading me alongside Him! All people can do the very same thing. One step, one day.

  Wendy Elizabeth Williams, Friday, June 19, 2026

• Consider becoming a paid subscriber at $5.00 a month. The yearly cost is $60, if you prefer that way...but I actually prefer the $5 a month, if possible, so there is no snagging if you decide you have to step down from a paid subscription. Less confusing and less costly for me. You can subscribe easily on my Substack page and if you find you can no longer be a paid subscriber, you can do so via Substack itself or contact me via a direct message on Substack Notes and I will help you. I know financial things can be gnarly for many of us in general and I take not a penny for granted! No pressure on you!

  --Consider donating any amount from $1 and up on my Ko-fi page at Ko-fi.com/wendyelizabethwilliams. You can donate one time, periodically or monthly, as you see fit. I am also enjoying writing a shorter weekly piece on my Ko-fi page, focusing mainly on my lifelong love of fabric, garments, beauty and the centuries- long battles between men and women. After I get my weekly Substack longer piece up on Friday nights, I also place my shorter Ko-fi piece up on Notes. Tonight’s short piece on Ko-fi continues my ongoing theme about garments and the power of clothing to help or harm. “My favorite garments: Warrior Clothing” This speaks of my personal experience with less “girly-girl” women’s clothing but more towards the practical and the protective, what I call “warrior clothing”. This includes my simple definition of not making myself vulnerable with too much revealing clothing or “frippery” and keeping things streamlined and easy to move in. Warrior garments are practical, with a built-in elegance that is also quite beautiful in its own way!

  --Please pray for me! Thank you, Wendy