THE BATTLE OF TEMPERAMENTS

"Something to do with Winsome"

• Romans 12:2: "and be not conformed to this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

  Nehemiah 8:10: "Go your way, eat the fat, and drink the sweet, and send portions unto them for whom nothing is prepared: for this day is holy unto our Lord; neither be ye sorry; for the joy of the Lord is your strength."

• I am still too much my Dad's daughter, blunt and a bit rough-hewn.

  I need to be more my Mom's daughter, a deep woman of God, as she was the one who prayed so hard for a daughter, after giving birth to two sons.

  Dad did not want me and pressured Mom to abort me, back in 1952.

  Despite this beginning, I was cheerful, hopeful. At least Mom wanted me!

• Papa God told me a few months ago that much of my life has been "battling", as in a war. My combative temperament...how can I balance this disparate opposite, with being hopeful or winsome, as I was more of this in childhood? It seems a million miles away when I was hopeful and winsome, winsome being a somewhat rare quality in our snarling culture of USA, 2025. As a recovering cynic, I agree.

• Working on restoring and renewing my self image, God is at work in my soul, to bring the healing I so deeply need, the winsome I once was, being felled by grief.

• Just as I sat this week, simmering on this weekly Friday writing piece, I heard Holy Spirit say " remember your childhood!"

• I was not combative as a girl, partly because I was small, often the smallest child in a classroom. I did not argue and was fearful of bigger kids, avoiding bullies. I was the youngest child in my family! I was playful, innocent and devoted to my Mom, my church and my Barbie doll! It appeared I was lighthearted to the core, what some call "winsome.”

• Then, at nearly my age of 14, my parents' marriage sadly crumbled, they separated, and divorce loomed. On one terrible night in October 1966, Mom had a massive stroke and was dead the next morning. Two years later, one brother died in Vietnam. I retreated behind a formidable barrier from then on.

• Life is no smooth ride for any of us, but often rather filled with detours, pits, boulders, wrong turns, potholes, disarray, and mistakes... and yet, somehow it still works. I can not imagine refusing to utilize the loving power of God to get me through this mess. Even in my years as a Prodigal to my Christian faith, I still maintained a "link" to the seeking of spiritual things.

• I have a serious exterior, a core of deep thinker and thoughtful person.

  Odd, despite all this seriousness, I have been told I have "winsome" qualities.

  Winsome is a funny word, seemingly lighthearted and fun, the polar opposite from me at age 72. While I can have moments of lightness and can be humorous in short hops, my core is deep and thoughtful. I have never intently thought of myself as a winsome person, despite my attempts to see the good in people.

• My very sharp tongue I developed as a battering ram and defensive weapon, to protect me from the rampant rowdiness of the times I grew up in ( 1960’s.) I did well with it for a season, but it did have an exit date. I have seen so much grief and experienced so much failure that I tend toward the negative. Breaking free of negativity is tough. Just looking at the news of the world this week alone...chaos, weapons, arguing, pushing, shoving...where can I exist?? Where does an empath and sensitive soul and yes, a core winsome have a place? Winsome amidst the travail??

• God is a Master Chess and Poker player and He always wins...and yet gives me the prize. He is also the power of transformation that only He can manifest, as we learn slowly to trust Him and allow Him into our hearts and souls completely. This is not immediate, but a gradual process of stepping and stumbling. This is not positive thinking, affirmation or the pretending until you manifest it template. This is the raw and untrammeled power of the One who made us all, the true transformer. He initiates things, we walk alongside Him, absorbing.

• For me to return to "winsome" at my Elder age, it seems impossible. As per my usual rambling arguing with Papa God, I say "I have too much baggage, Papa, I cannot just be a fluffy girl, I am not that!" He smiles and says "I know you are not 'fluffy and soft', W.E.W., but I also know your heart of compassion and your deep empath soul, who feels the sorrows of others so much. You have withdrawn some of those lines to a defensive degree in your Elder age, focusing on your survival code and allowing the badgering of fear to fence you in. I am changing this, step by step. "

• Taking a huge, deep sigh, I am quite unnerved by all this, as I intimately know so much of failure and defeat, essentially living much of my life in retreat. How does one exit this tomb? God walks with me through every tempest.

  Last night, Holy Spirit spoke to me in my nightly fellowship with Papa God, Lord Jesus and Holy Spirit, notebook and pen. The loving force of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit all speak at different times, with slightly different tones but the same core message of " be ye therefore transformed by the renewing of your mind."

• Holy Spirit absolutely stunned me. He knew I was struggling with this writing piece, chronicling my slow efforts to return to the more lighthearted self of my younger days, across the gulf of sorrow and anger that has bound me for so long.

  He spoke of Himself, " I, Holy Spirit of Papa God, AM WINSOME Incarnate! I am cheer, I am cheerful, I am hope, hopeful, charm, ebullient, lighthearted, humorous, always smiling, always laughing, always joyful!! And Who am I? I am your writing coach, remember?? I recognize a fellow winsome in you!" Perhaps that is why Christ called Holy Spirit “the Comforter.”

• Wow!! An actual working partnership with Holy Spirit...mind boggling!

  I tell you, NO ONE BUT GOD can astonish me in such a manner. He always knows exactly where to target His missives and they always reach the mark (otherwise known to knock me off my perch of defeat.)

• I can rely on no one but God! Only He can manifest this tremendous change in my temperament and give me the strength and courage to continue forward awhile longer. He has the same gifts and blessings for all who will repent of sin and simply cry out and ask God for help, moment by moment! No perfection demanded, only a childlike trust in His love and protection and counsel, day by day, and a willingness to learn and grow. If I can do it…anyone can!!!

  Can Wendy return to Winsome?? Stay tuned...

  Wendy Elizabeth Williams, Friday June 20, 2025 , close to Summer Solstice, longest day of the year in North America

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  --Finally, please pray for me that I hear the still, small voice of Holy Spirit speaking to me. Wendy