Wendy, you have expressed yourself so well in this essay! Thank you for sharing!
I'm your age. My family and I have had extensive experience with the "bullies" you mention - these are mainly religious bullies. My maternal grandmother once consulted with a highly regarded, "spiritual" reverend. She asked him "...how does a ministers wife keep from going crazy?" Before dismissing her, he replied, "Madam, ministers wives are expected to go crazy!" She was crushed.
Here are several things to learn about these bullies...
Those in the same hierarchy or above the bullies treat each other the same way. They all bully each other. This is their experience, and generally how they were trained.
Bully "pastors" have a business to run, results to produce, and they don't have a lot of time or mental resources to spend with people who have chronic challenges. This isn't about YOU, it is about THEM!
Bullies are "TRY"ing as well! They dance on their altars of religious doctrine, practice, and training in secular wisdom, attempting to call down lightning from heaven to produce the results they desire. Your difficult existence is a challenge to their religious organization, resources, doctrines, training, and even their expectations. They are under the gun to produce results, not try. Yet, here you are, and they can only TRY to "help". This only exposes their lack of power and builds in them a great sense of helplessness. So, it even challenges their psychology.
Yes, those "weak things of the world" do confound the things which are mighty.
Your very presence provides the mighty with a choice - to put aside their own needs and expectations and focus with compassion on the one who is challenged. The mighty can choose to start listening, choose to strengthen and encourage, choose to Love. The mighty can learn much from "the weak things of the world".
From God's point of view, we are truly children. We try and try until we are able to do. This is what "practice" is!
Finally, your story isn't over. It doesn't end when you fall asleep in Christ. Your story begins anew when you stand before Christ, in your new body at his reward stand. At that time, you will learn of your real impact in this world, confounding the mighty. Your endurance is not wasted effort.
Keith, I wept all the way through your very compassionate comment, thank you so much! I also wept much through the writing of this piece, as it seems my weekly writing pieces are getting more difficult to create. That perhaps comes with the territory of Elder age, as we cannot take anything for granted. I CLING to Papa God and His Son every single day. I think many eccentric and sensitive people flee from the formality of churches…and are in desperate need of the love of God. I also know Papa calls each of us to grow in our walk of faith in Him and His Son, to not remain static and hidebound. That was Jesus tangle with the religious structure of Israel, they were hidebound and power bound. I have a sharp tongue which has gotten me into much trouble over my 72 years…but I am taming it bit by bit. As I said, I am blunt, not loud. Thank you, kind Keith, for taking the time to read my work and for offering such a wonderful and kind observation, when some days, all I want to do is go Home. You made a difference in my life today, profound thanks. I am going to save your comment! God bless and keep you, Wendy
I may have already shared this with you, but I remembered this after reading your reply. God bless you too!
Malachi 3:16–18
[16] Then those who feared the LORD spoke with one another. The LORD paid attention and heard them, and a book of remembrance was written before him of those who feared the LORD and esteemed his name. [17] “They shall be mine, says the LORD of hosts, in the day when I make up my treasured possession, and I will spare them as a man spares his son who serves him. [18] Then once more you shall see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between one who serves God and one who does not serve him. (ESV)
Dear Wendy Elizabeth-Oregon Lady,first I perceive you as a successful person,you are integrated into a loving community (your church family) that you add to and you're a nice person. Lots of us got wounded to death ☠️ by the toxic culture circa 1965 to 1985 add a few years either way plus a few centuries before. But God showed you a path,my path is more rocky than yours as I'm not a nice person. I'm not. But God still loves me. Someone's got to!! Today March 1st 2025 is my 70th birthday so to mark my 71 years on this earth I'm on a train in Paris bound for Chartres to visit the famed Cathedral. Yesterday I visited Notre Dame - but not that Notre Dame they've made like an IKEA room set, somethings not quite right there. I visited Notre Dame du Travail in Rue Vercingetorix,Our Lady of Work,the Iron Church,it's an amazing story,more MY SORT of place (except I'm not Roman Catholic). Rambled too much as usual. I've been reading a lot lately about effort,trying, accepting,not striving,it's contrary. There is a need for both in life but at the right times and in right proportion.
Jane, bless you! You are always very real and genuine and I appreciate your comments very much. I have plenty of wounds from 71 years on this earth…but I keep going. I would not say you are “not a nice person”. I disagree, because you have taken the time to speak kindly to another human being, me, and have offered a piece of your insights of life, after 70 years. It is NOT easy to make it to Elder age and I salute your surivival and your seeking of God in your way. Explore the Cathedrals, pray, listen deeply for the still small voice of Holy Spirit, He is with each of us who will ask Him to help! He certainly does so for me. Thank you again for your heart-filled feedback, I cherish it. Wendy
Chartres Cathedral is AMAZING. It's stunning both architecturally and spiritually. And there is something but I don't know how to define it. It's a 'place of power ',it feels like it was built there for a reason.....I sound a bit new agey but it's hard to define. Glad I got to be there in real life.
Jane, please enjoy and seep in the power there, for me as well! I never travel so not likely I will ever be there...but Holy Spirit's presence does pour through. May God bless your seeking heart and guide your path! Goodnight, Wendy
H.J. Hill, humble thanks for your heartfelt words, they made me get teary-eyed. This is why I write, to reach with the tenderness of God and His Son, especially to those of us who feel flattened by the harsh demands of the world. I Corinthians 1:27 is one of my core life verses and exactly who I am. I am strange combination of sensitive soul and warrior woman. I have felt overwhelmed by the world all my life. At 72, I am amazed I still live. To have a positive reaction like yours, it makes all the difference in the world. I take refuge in 1 Corinthains 1:27 and it sounds like you do, as well. God bless and keep you and the gifts He gave to you alone, Wendy
I've had a "can-do spirit" for most of my life (being in showbiz, I had to!). But many times, I've done what you talk about and just dipped my toe in the water. Sometimes that's all we're capable of doing in the moment, and to push harder will only guarantee our failure. I want to "do," but berating myself, or being berated, won't get me there.
Jan, being in show business, I agree, you would need a “can-do” spirit. I would wash out in a day! The whole “put your toe in first” routine works for some of us…although I admire those who can just “cannonball” in! Bless you, Wendy
I remember my middle son only 5 or 6 at that time struggling with being able to spell English words correctly, and he had written me a card and wrote some really beautiful heartfelt sentiments, at the end after lots of kisses 12 in tital & three smiley faces, then a + next to it wrote I tride. When I first saw that Elizabeth I wept, because in that moment I understood heavenly father's love for us too as his dear precious children, when we feel we are not doing anything much or it's just not good enough according to our evaluation and interpretation. You see my son's inaccurate spelling couldn't make me love him any less, or think he was somehow defective, or think ant less of him it made me only love and embrace him even more. Lots of sisterly love to you! 💕 🥰 xxx
All I want to say is you are more than trying. I have the heart of an empath too. The unseen and unheard. You are doing good. I get everything you are saying here. We do "us." And we do it at our pace, listening to our Father. I think you are wonderful. love, deb ox
Thank you, Deborah...from the pit of despair...I thank you. I never imagined I would be pouring out my heart on Substack and Notes....I feel so alone so much of the time, like I am the only weak "weirdo" who just cannot make it in this big bad world, the worst depression I have ever experienced, right now, always the struggle to survive, always money. I do not want "stuff", I want a lifting of financial oppression. Without Papa God and His Son, I would be dead, plain and simple. The battle is truly exhausting...and people like you are dear bright spots...We think of our Lord Jesus Christ, what He endured on that terrible cross for all us grundoons...I cannot comprehend it. Easter coming up and we are reminded of our God and His Son. Overwhelming, both good and difficult. You are much loved, thank you for your blessings tonight, I so appreciate it. Wendy
Wendy, you have expressed yourself so well in this essay! Thank you for sharing!
I'm your age. My family and I have had extensive experience with the "bullies" you mention - these are mainly religious bullies. My maternal grandmother once consulted with a highly regarded, "spiritual" reverend. She asked him "...how does a ministers wife keep from going crazy?" Before dismissing her, he replied, "Madam, ministers wives are expected to go crazy!" She was crushed.
Here are several things to learn about these bullies...
Those in the same hierarchy or above the bullies treat each other the same way. They all bully each other. This is their experience, and generally how they were trained.
Bully "pastors" have a business to run, results to produce, and they don't have a lot of time or mental resources to spend with people who have chronic challenges. This isn't about YOU, it is about THEM!
Bullies are "TRY"ing as well! They dance on their altars of religious doctrine, practice, and training in secular wisdom, attempting to call down lightning from heaven to produce the results they desire. Your difficult existence is a challenge to their religious organization, resources, doctrines, training, and even their expectations. They are under the gun to produce results, not try. Yet, here you are, and they can only TRY to "help". This only exposes their lack of power and builds in them a great sense of helplessness. So, it even challenges their psychology.
Yes, those "weak things of the world" do confound the things which are mighty.
Your very presence provides the mighty with a choice - to put aside their own needs and expectations and focus with compassion on the one who is challenged. The mighty can choose to start listening, choose to strengthen and encourage, choose to Love. The mighty can learn much from "the weak things of the world".
From God's point of view, we are truly children. We try and try until we are able to do. This is what "practice" is!
Finally, your story isn't over. It doesn't end when you fall asleep in Christ. Your story begins anew when you stand before Christ, in your new body at his reward stand. At that time, you will learn of your real impact in this world, confounding the mighty. Your endurance is not wasted effort.
Keith, I wept all the way through your very compassionate comment, thank you so much! I also wept much through the writing of this piece, as it seems my weekly writing pieces are getting more difficult to create. That perhaps comes with the territory of Elder age, as we cannot take anything for granted. I CLING to Papa God and His Son every single day. I think many eccentric and sensitive people flee from the formality of churches…and are in desperate need of the love of God. I also know Papa calls each of us to grow in our walk of faith in Him and His Son, to not remain static and hidebound. That was Jesus tangle with the religious structure of Israel, they were hidebound and power bound. I have a sharp tongue which has gotten me into much trouble over my 72 years…but I am taming it bit by bit. As I said, I am blunt, not loud. Thank you, kind Keith, for taking the time to read my work and for offering such a wonderful and kind observation, when some days, all I want to do is go Home. You made a difference in my life today, profound thanks. I am going to save your comment! God bless and keep you, Wendy
I may have already shared this with you, but I remembered this after reading your reply. God bless you too!
Malachi 3:16–18
[16] Then those who feared the LORD spoke with one another. The LORD paid attention and heard them, and a book of remembrance was written before him of those who feared the LORD and esteemed his name. [17] “They shall be mine, says the LORD of hosts, in the day when I make up my treasured possession, and I will spare them as a man spares his son who serves him. [18] Then once more you shall see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between one who serves God and one who does not serve him. (ESV)
A good introspective, Wendy!!
Dear Wendy Elizabeth-Oregon Lady,first I perceive you as a successful person,you are integrated into a loving community (your church family) that you add to and you're a nice person. Lots of us got wounded to death ☠️ by the toxic culture circa 1965 to 1985 add a few years either way plus a few centuries before. But God showed you a path,my path is more rocky than yours as I'm not a nice person. I'm not. But God still loves me. Someone's got to!! Today March 1st 2025 is my 70th birthday so to mark my 71 years on this earth I'm on a train in Paris bound for Chartres to visit the famed Cathedral. Yesterday I visited Notre Dame - but not that Notre Dame they've made like an IKEA room set, somethings not quite right there. I visited Notre Dame du Travail in Rue Vercingetorix,Our Lady of Work,the Iron Church,it's an amazing story,more MY SORT of place (except I'm not Roman Catholic). Rambled too much as usual. I've been reading a lot lately about effort,trying, accepting,not striving,it's contrary. There is a need for both in life but at the right times and in right proportion.
Jane, bless you! You are always very real and genuine and I appreciate your comments very much. I have plenty of wounds from 71 years on this earth…but I keep going. I would not say you are “not a nice person”. I disagree, because you have taken the time to speak kindly to another human being, me, and have offered a piece of your insights of life, after 70 years. It is NOT easy to make it to Elder age and I salute your surivival and your seeking of God in your way. Explore the Cathedrals, pray, listen deeply for the still small voice of Holy Spirit, He is with each of us who will ask Him to help! He certainly does so for me. Thank you again for your heart-filled feedback, I cherish it. Wendy
Chartres Cathedral is AMAZING. It's stunning both architecturally and spiritually. And there is something but I don't know how to define it. It's a 'place of power ',it feels like it was built there for a reason.....I sound a bit new agey but it's hard to define. Glad I got to be there in real life.
Jane, please enjoy and seep in the power there, for me as well! I never travel so not likely I will ever be there...but Holy Spirit's presence does pour through. May God bless your seeking heart and guide your path! Goodnight, Wendy
I think you are on to something very real and true and good with “try.” “Make every effort to add to your faith …”
There’s no yardstick here. Just the walk with a faithful God who knows your “try.”
Thank you, dear Lisa Graham Parson, I so appreciate your comment. God bless you! Wendy
Thank you, Wendy, for another insightful, incisive post. When I saw the quote from 1 Cor. 1:27 at the top, I knew it would be for me, and it is.
H.J. Hill, humble thanks for your heartfelt words, they made me get teary-eyed. This is why I write, to reach with the tenderness of God and His Son, especially to those of us who feel flattened by the harsh demands of the world. I Corinthians 1:27 is one of my core life verses and exactly who I am. I am strange combination of sensitive soul and warrior woman. I have felt overwhelmed by the world all my life. At 72, I am amazed I still live. To have a positive reaction like yours, it makes all the difference in the world. I take refuge in 1 Corinthains 1:27 and it sounds like you do, as well. God bless and keep you and the gifts He gave to you alone, Wendy
I've had a "can-do spirit" for most of my life (being in showbiz, I had to!). But many times, I've done what you talk about and just dipped my toe in the water. Sometimes that's all we're capable of doing in the moment, and to push harder will only guarantee our failure. I want to "do," but berating myself, or being berated, won't get me there.
Jan, being in show business, I agree, you would need a “can-do” spirit. I would wash out in a day! The whole “put your toe in first” routine works for some of us…although I admire those who can just “cannonball” in! Bless you, Wendy
I remember my middle son only 5 or 6 at that time struggling with being able to spell English words correctly, and he had written me a card and wrote some really beautiful heartfelt sentiments, at the end after lots of kisses 12 in tital & three smiley faces, then a + next to it wrote I tride. When I first saw that Elizabeth I wept, because in that moment I understood heavenly father's love for us too as his dear precious children, when we feel we are not doing anything much or it's just not good enough according to our evaluation and interpretation. You see my son's inaccurate spelling couldn't make me love him any less, or think he was somehow defective, or think ant less of him it made me only love and embrace him even more. Lots of sisterly love to you! 💕 🥰 xxx
Correcting my typo's total not tital, any not ant.
Dearest Wendy,
All I want to say is you are more than trying. I have the heart of an empath too. The unseen and unheard. You are doing good. I get everything you are saying here. We do "us." And we do it at our pace, listening to our Father. I think you are wonderful. love, deb ox
Thank you, Deborah...from the pit of despair...I thank you. I never imagined I would be pouring out my heart on Substack and Notes....I feel so alone so much of the time, like I am the only weak "weirdo" who just cannot make it in this big bad world, the worst depression I have ever experienced, right now, always the struggle to survive, always money. I do not want "stuff", I want a lifting of financial oppression. Without Papa God and His Son, I would be dead, plain and simple. The battle is truly exhausting...and people like you are dear bright spots...We think of our Lord Jesus Christ, what He endured on that terrible cross for all us grundoons...I cannot comprehend it. Easter coming up and we are reminded of our God and His Son. Overwhelming, both good and difficult. You are much loved, thank you for your blessings tonight, I so appreciate it. Wendy