14 Comments
User's avatar
Joan Spilman's avatar

It baffles me that -- as your column is the one I read and reread most -- you should feel useless. Blind to your own gifts. And I'm glad you pointed out that "tough love" is the worst thing to rain down on someone in the midst of a struggle. I had that happen to me many times ( and I would always be at my lowest) and it's utterly demoralizing. I know that I still hold resentment toward some of those " preachers" and the deep hurt they caused. As I reread what I've written, I think , " Look what she pulled out of me.". Yes, you have a gift that resonates!

Expand full comment
Wendy Elizabeth Williams's avatar

Joan, you are just as blunt as I am and I appreciate your comments. While I still lack deep self-worth, I am slowly growing toward God and His Son, as They are the only Ones who can fully bring me up and out of sorrow and such emotional lack. I think the core of a good writer is to be honest with what you are going through and not put a "happy face" on yourself when you do not feel happy at that moment. I have learned enough to know that "this too, shall pass" and it does...but the residue remains. That is the hard work of the Christian faith, the allowing of the overwhelming love of God to pierce through our sadness and anger and slowly but surely, bring us towards Him and His Son. I am grateful to even be alive. I am blessed by people like you, who see the value of my writing work. Words are the main gift God gave me and I only want to use my words to help someone else, as well as a catharsis for me. Your comments mean so much to me! Godspeed to you, Joan, Wendy

Expand full comment
H.J. Hill's avatar

Yep! Everything you said! Especially the stop scolding part!

Expand full comment
Wendy Elizabeth Williams's avatar

H.J. Hill, thank you! I detest being scolded! Feedback is one thing and I do not expect everyone to agree on everything. Scolding, however, is particularly obnoxious. Thank you again the taking the time to read my work, I sincerely appreciate it! Wendy

Expand full comment
Hannah Rose Williams's avatar

I recently finished reading The Magician's Nephew, in which the hungry children wish Aslan had provided for their journey. The flying horse thinks he probably would have, if they had asked. They said, "Couldn't he have known without being asked?" Yes, says the flying horse, but Aslan probably likes to be asked.

Expand full comment
Wendy Elizabeth Williams's avatar

I love C.S. Lewis! The Chronicles of Narnia are all teaching books and some of my favorite books are children’s books. I recently re-read The Silver Chair and The Last Battle. Holy Spirit always nudges me towards some great books and ways of teaching about keeping on through adversity and trouble, which I struggle with so mightily. God is a great Teacher! “Aslan probably likes to be asked”….God constantly tells me “ASK Me!” I have to be reminded, frequently, that He will provide for me!

Expand full comment
Jan Downing's avatar

Gentle, helpful input I can take (after they've heard me out and let me cry), but I agree with you, scolding is never a good idea. I've been really low and struggling a few times in my life (well, actually, more than a few, but who's counting), and I remember the people who kicked me when I was down. I never trusted them with any info again. There are folks who've given me a little guidance AFTER sending compassionate love my way. These people I knew I could trust with my feelings. Good piece, Wendy.

Expand full comment
Wendy Elizabeth Williams's avatar

Jan, exactly! That is my point, about the “tough love” concept. I will take no “tough love” from fellow human beings. I take feedback and help from God alone, as He and His Son are my ultimate Advocates and Helpers. As a loner, I do not trust humans. You yourself write about very relevant and deep subjects related to domestic violence, a powerful and visceral subject. You are real and authentic and you share your wounds and your sorrows as well as your successes. You are REAL. That in itself, encourages others. Bless your writing!! Wendy

Expand full comment
Deborah Good's avatar

I could understand your love if Psalms 61 and 54. Feel I have often lived there, don’t find tough love helpful, yet occasionally, forget, act as if I yell others will listen better! Then I feel badly. But I feel fearful if not being listened to too.

Expand full comment
Michele's avatar

This was very timely for me and resonated immensely. Feeling incredibly raw at the moment so that is all I will say, except for THANK YOU.

Expand full comment
Wendy Elizabeth Williams's avatar

Michele, thank you right back…your comment to me is the reason I write! I write with the rawness that moves through my life, a lot. While I am not rude, I am most certainly BLUNT. To me, blunt is authentic and real and that is what I want to be. With so much phony and surface junk out there, the deep and the blunt and the authentic is important and much needed in this world of an “inch deep”. I write to reach those who are among “the brokenhearted”, as I am so intimately acquainted with that overwhelming feeling. A prayer on behalf of you: “God, You know dear Michele! You created her and you know what she goes through and what is causing the “raw” right now. I pray that Your healing and comforting Presence will hover gently over Michele tonight, meet her where she is and let her find refuge in You and Your Son. The gifts You have given only to her are unique and formidable. Bless her soul and spirit to hear Your dear voice and to simply ask for help, day by day. In Jesus’ mighty name, Amen. “ One single minute, one hour, and one day at a time, dear Michele. I am on the same path. Godspeed to you, Wendy

Expand full comment
Michele's avatar

Thank-you, this brought tears to my eyes. I helps to have someone else talking to God--to borrow from your belief when mine is at an ebb. I pray God continues to keep you writing; what a gift!

Expand full comment
Jane Baker's avatar

Here are 3 YouTube channels that might give you the joy and peace you,or we all want,1) Mapperton Live -Luke + Julie live at an old Manor House in Dorset. We see the house,full of old antique things,the farmland,the animals,the in laws,the old church,and Julie is from Chicago and she is the BEST KIND OF AMERICAN! Sometimes we find what we are looking for in a not specifically religious source. 2) Garden Answers with Laura.

Laura and Aaron live in eastern Oregon and they now have two children Ben + Samantha Grace. They garden + you tube. They are a Christian family. It's so fun when Laura and her Mom and sometimes her sister too go antiquing.

3) Les Carnets de Julie. I love this channel. It's a French lady and all in French but it's so visual it's easy to follow and I am trying to learn a little French anyway. This lady travels around France and cooks,often in famous writers houses so you get a bit of everything. I'll stop here or I could name a dozen others but these are all non-political,upbeat but not in a shallow,facile way and full of beauty.

Expand full comment
Wendy Elizabeth Williams's avatar

Jane, thank you kindly for your recommendations of YouTube sites to check out. I will look into them!! Bless you, Wendy

Expand full comment